Again: Salty waters

I willed myself, for an hour last night, to cry
It didn’t work
But I really tried
Voices in the hallway were the soundtrack to my sorrow, the echoes to my anguish
like the summoned nights of tears that ' A woman's Work' lead me thru, dont get it wrong
I’m not sad and nonfunctional but hurting so bad I willed myself unsuccessfully to cry.
This is not some depression, slit yr wrist kinda torment, this is a love affair with life’s truth that I swear most time seem to misplace in my masks, my lies
The sanity, which is my vision, within the craziness that is my awakening.

Last night I willed myself to cry for a friend so near but so far,
But again as I tried and tired. My souls hands reached around me for a hug, my mouth tasted salty water from my eyes and sighed with ecstasy. I fell asleep, peacefully dreaming of false realities, dreaming of pleasant horrors.

Last night I forgave myself for misunderstanding. And this morning I massage the pain in the middle of my back, and sing along to the sunrays reflecting and dancing off windows.


Gino Obuseng

AGAIN: where I left off

My tears keep coming, I stop them for what I might see, what I might reveal.
They stop mid eye like saving me from what I may not see.
This is the best statement I have come up with from months of absence, months of feelings of being tested.
This is what I have come up with from the months of joy, bliss, trials, mishaps, accidents, surprises and shifts of sorts in the alignment of my stars.

My body count of beings met that moved and inspired, has been overwhelming, the distance I have come with those that authorize my day-to-day learning of a dream I made come true is one of little or no boundaries. The captivating result of a question posed by a friend, friends with deep but limited knowledge of my soul, has pushed my dreams to a pedestal of possibility.

I am exposed to a world infinite with possibilities run by the relentless.

In all honesty he was the 1st; I ignored him and moved right along, minding my own business. And then you came dragging your feet. I understand my purpose -the reception goes off sometimes, unfamiliar to the burden of its fulfillment. I took it too far.
My mind stood present to where my soul usually does and should stand. I wrote to a deafened beat and somehow convinced myself you were hearing my inner song.

Like a student hungry for the power to teach, I didn’t see the process of healing I had instilled, ungrateful for the step taken, to the food that is soul soothing.
We seem to have misplaced the fact that we are on the same side.
Hurts in friendships come and go; we stay haunted by the same kind of pride.
I know I wasn’t always your friend, but never did my actions contradict truth.
I waited, I watched, I toyed and fantasized. I fooled with that idea, as an angel in training allow me that 1 mistake.

Injustice is for us all

I wonder does my constant now affect what is really meant for our fate.
As a part of the world give exception of my beauty that I revealed.
As a being like you eliminate the chances of perfection.
And as a friend grant me that chance to further experience you.
The notes you had in your head of the person I am are still and will always be true.


Gino Obuseng

soul sharing, documented... the 1st

I go home to her, that girl

That life force that has, and does sustain itself

By all means necessary

Creating a haven of mellow thoughts, sudden smiles constant dance.

Dreams of cotton candy & new toys.

The waves my life glides on are in sequence, a melody.

Slows and speediness at will, at reaction.

A perfect mixture of organised mess and selective memory,

My thoughts lay low, calm and slow.

I see her, that lady

That unmovable source of steadiness, street-wise, always aware.

Talking fast-encrypted trash, think fast, move slow.

Cold sweats called trauma, arise her, lullabies provided courtesy of karma.

The base in my heart, the notes of my toes.

Scribble this down first, add lip, and harmonize.

My heart will always remember, when my soul speaks, and my mind curls at the back of my neck.

I live with her, that woman.

Quick to stand tall, nose-diving in books, and if her pen be her weapon, her paper a shield, the eyes that read be the universe. A fountain of inspiration: never drying.

My mind searches & screams. Astounding curiosity. Massive hunger.

For pure and raw showers of the soul. Coz I know I must never wonder if I’m alone.

Fuelled & fed. Depth: my manger, my bed.

I stare at her, that sensual gaze so affirmative in what she wants, aware of her needs.

That symphony inspired touch, her body in unison as it chants.

Delicate wishes, lingering hugs, graced kisses.

He said my breathing became his heartbeat, the rise, and the fall.

A tainted friendship, never to be in complete mends. Backed-up, slowly, trying to exhale carefully on this here bend.

I play along with her, these games

The meek, sudden mirage of a search ended. A captivating challenge. The words to an exquisite beat. We go around in circles; lost in a maze we hold the map to.

I play along as a sweet smile of realization get her, she remembers how good it feels when her whole being tremors.

They would all stop. Disappear like a dream. Sudden strangers.

Listening on the phone as he treads light, he’s not alone when his voice changes.

Trust falls away, in the shadows of dust. I may not have known him, heard what I wanted to hear. I might have never seen him, screaming from a far, never near.

I play with her, these games of the mind. Silly, when she knows what she will find.

I nurse her, open wounds

Swim in her pool of hurts

She lays her head down, finally

Intoxicated when her mind grants permission.

She’ll wake up, hot, sweating, ears ringing as the beat goes on.

I speak with her, random words.

She listens. We probe at each other with questions

We never seem to get to answer.

I may not ever see, those from this word that have fled.

But she will always remember, the dreams they could have shared. Thoughts of forever. Not even the chance exists.

I sit here contemplating a hostile take over with time for its process to heal.

To take away those pains, troubles, enclosed understanding that u certainly feel.

Gambling quietly, dealing that emptiness and closure give you a break.

Gino Obuseng

untitled...

i wish i could say that was enough, that the experience had reached its climax

that it had all been for groupie love, a kiss on the cheek, that i could swear never to wash the left side of my face.

that all i needed & settled for was just a taste.

perceive & receive, lead & leading me through 'twas a world wind of circumstances.

steady slow dances

of words, song, stance in expression of understanding misconception being lead thru a path of truth,

Real.

And these words i wait for, in anticipation like my 1st meal.

But many would raise brow in the mist of this soul orgasms, as they look past it only asking if 'we seal the deal'?

And take this lyrical demonstration as a reflection of me initialing the pages as my contribution of how i really feel.

And i thank you for a long awaited gift, that was able to lift me from what my mind had convinced my hand was only a drift, which was only a shift of true and needed inspiration.

These words & these tags may seem entirely as a brief but solemn mention.

Unknown, unheard, infamous they face rejection, but like everyone this is my form of getting my hit of that depth, my lethal injection.

I'm true to it. If it makes you feel better print my words out. edit, ready for frame & lamination.  

Nxu Stru! i'm a hiphop cheerleader!!

14/03/2010

0410hrs

Gino Obuseng

i could write about a thousand things that mean the same.

say and stay the same.

keeping my words ever so tame.

like compare this rain to the nights of loneliness, reverted and disguised as pain. 

i could stare out this window, & pretend that you don't know 

as i put on this show of screaming and howling like you done stepped on my toe.

but as long as the clouds & sky stretch for miles.

this will always come simply to me as are my smiles.

Gino Obuseng

Angel's Tears

The rain has me on some trip,

its breeze taking my hand & drifting me away slowly into a sweet-scented cool mist of memories...

Memories of you, of me, of him, of her and plenty of them many of those forgotten only to be remembered by the rains pure smell.

The grey sky is tainted with red, some say gloomy, and truly maybe it should sit heavy on my head, but as it seems like the radio volume dial turned clockwise, 

the pitter-patter of the drops increase. 

my mind starts screaming words at my pen.

increasing is the electricity in my brain inspired completely by this rain. 

Gino Obuseng

think about it

so in my attempt to try, my attempt to lose, control, to shed, this attempt

to hold on, the many sour attempts to love, someone, failed. not so much in myself but 

the strength to continuously attempt to puncture beliefs set before even my fore-mothers of stereotypical bullshit that has kept many souls imprisoned, captivated almost always capsizing the minds over their weak souls.

i wonder how much strength they "think" they have in their domes when death can stop them mid thought and still their spirit lives on, think about it!

Gino Obuseng

hold her

maybe in that access love she doesn't know where to put her misplaced feelings.

so she runs to the unfamiliar, the shaken like her soul, the desperate to hold on...

and so intensely lost loves, paternal, she cries so loudly!

Gino Obuseng

Watch Me Phly Past

i went to school, came back had learnt what i already knew...

looked down on.

"don't disappoint us" they say, to a person they don't know. this time around don't mess up, to deafened ears f a self & universe taught woman. a box they don't know the location to.

chemically, mechanically, surveyingly engineer your own shit, with BA's, your HONS, PHd's, make it so you leave your mark behind just like the ones before you. make it so that yr Bsc's MBA's & your point averages count up to make the total of you; that people talk about you, like you talk AT me.

my path is G plated, had in-seam stitches holding my shit together, my name on it and trademarked.

you look down on me, shun me, wanna say it out loud so your party listens on, what is it?

comfort yourself with me, take it now, run with it while I'm still here. from me you get a head start.

my shit is copy-written, your 2am "life lessons" are just a vent of multiple sexual frustrations, work load, smashed black cars, envy of spinning wheels. 320's, 270's coins, i don't beam... booty call cabs, i walk, repair shoes... dust them off. and proud!

starting & staring from 'my end', but don't for 1 minute think its from the bottom. but I'm climbing. from the bottom of my being.

stop.

wait.

watch me phly past!

blessed. with an atmosphere like mine. exampled... those i keep around me dream like me, big like me, guess what haters we rock the hell outta 'em shades. we go hard!

those i choose to surround myself with love real, passion, fire, talented, black, 'mosadi', banna, motswana. we are not stray, rather multi talented, diverse, pinky n the brain tryna take over the world, this world, your world, our world. 

i get carried away trying to explain to you that i am deleting those weeds, diminishing the fungus my lovely haven, my mind has accumulated over the years. 

my light complexened ass apologizes for your bumping ride and the weak reception.

we at Gino make it so we affect deeper, infect spiritually and brand darker.

watch me phly past!

Gino Obuseng

PAST PRESENT & FUTURE

It has always seemed easier, I guess, to write of things confusing, hurting, inconclusive, incomprehensible.

Simply when, after nights spent in passion, in blinding bliss, there were then night’s alone, craving; the pen would not free the words fast enough.

Even as I admit the statements above seem of confusion.

Understand me when I say: clarity has never been so clear.

Before I guess what was at that exact time I thought like a dream I could shift & change at my will. Though voicing ‘everything happens for a reason’, I did not practise. Falling in love, in awe, trusting the idea that I had of formable & tangible relationships…

Ideas that I had back then have what my past in its presence could have be… can had been??

The past, my past, this past of this lifetime, seems up & down, side-to-side, round ‘n round, twirling, swirling until it came to a dead halt… it stopped. 

Master I have preached & verbally proved over & over as much as I could to hearing ears… I feel now I am ready to learn further, push deeper, and practise intensely. My present, as still as my grounded presence. I can re-shape all that I know, with metaphors & examples of diverse situations as much as I can.

I confuse my present with the thoughts I had yesterday of what today would be like. I take so much responsibility for the universe’ intends & tends…

The reigns I try to control & tug on are endless, I just LET GO! And oh…the world still spins… 

Gino Obuseng