everything, shallow and deep...I'm just everything i am all the time....
and its noticeable. inconsistently consistent... unpredictably predictable!
its a possession...i don't have a choice...gift and curse!
its like u know how everyone has 5 senses, how some people say can talk to angels and God, how magicians do, how fortune tellers do.... how animals sense things...i have this voice, my soul has a voice... i don't sit and make shit rhyme, or pre meditate, its always there, talks all the time, even now, people say i have a way with words its just that i know alot of words and like explaining fully what i wanna say...soul to soul, that's y i like people receiving my writes the way they feel them. what u feel is what i mean...
it registers everything all the time, we are friends and enemies... doesn't fancy my mind too much...lol! or my ex-housemate!(OK that was just for thrills)
true always...and can knock me down on my hands and knees clutching on a pencil, writing on a napkin...its so deep that wen it has to write it has to write...I've written so many pieces, my hand numb from being slower than it speaks, where i break down and cry after documentation!
yo...i write every where, anything!
I've gone months before without writing, OMG i thought i was gonna die, i felt dead, my soul was hurting, i was numb...was not myself or my i had written so much of wat i was feeling, that i wasn't feeling...and i always see it go, n come back...she plays tricks on me...
the more i listen n accept the more i hear, the louder she gets, used to think it was just me...nah! she loves explaining...her 1st and Passion is written word, its a choice, for people willing and ready to accept and receive...we get loud though sometimes....
hahahaha! sorry, we get carried away! but this is why i write!
sealed in the package wen i was delivered!!
Gino Obuseng
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
my heartbeat knows me
my heart whispered something to me
it changed its pace, not fast, not slow
concentrated, true, a sense of completion.
and my breathing the cradle it rocks on.
the promise in the words that were said.
i feel it beating in every cell in every part of my body.
its knowing...
did you know you stop me?
i decided for you, when i forget my knowledge of knowing and slip into an unlit corner, in hopes of salvage, when it should be for me to receive a gift of remembrance.
its knowing, that these many rules don't have to be followed wen you dream things to life.
Gino Obuseng
it changed its pace, not fast, not slow
concentrated, true, a sense of completion.
and my breathing the cradle it rocks on.
the promise in the words that were said.
i feel it beating in every cell in every part of my body.
its knowing...
did you know you stop me?
i decided for you, when i forget my knowledge of knowing and slip into an unlit corner, in hopes of salvage, when it should be for me to receive a gift of remembrance.
its knowing, that these many rules don't have to be followed wen you dream things to life.
Gino Obuseng
Inebriated
felt like gentle rain
feel it from the bottom of me
welcomed him
possess another person
storm rose inside that made me cringe.
we heave and when you leave there could be just whispers.
attacking the core of my inner being corroding my thoughts.
its the smile and look in your eye.
that calls up the silence of the moon
to whisper at your lips brushing up
against mine, entangled your tongue in this prolonged hope i feel right to the bottom of me.
this room, the bricks and wood remember the thrill of intoxication.
I've began to understand,
its an exquisite beat as we race against our heart beats, with no sense of direction,
i don't know left from right but my legs spread to welcome you.
the depth, the colours in my head changing this possession i want forever.
Gino Obuseng
feel it from the bottom of me
welcomed him
possess another person
storm rose inside that made me cringe.
we heave and when you leave there could be just whispers.
attacking the core of my inner being corroding my thoughts.
its the smile and look in your eye.
that calls up the silence of the moon
to whisper at your lips brushing up
against mine, entangled your tongue in this prolonged hope i feel right to the bottom of me.
this room, the bricks and wood remember the thrill of intoxication.
I've began to understand,
its an exquisite beat as we race against our heart beats, with no sense of direction,
i don't know left from right but my legs spread to welcome you.
the depth, the colours in my head changing this possession i want forever.
Gino Obuseng
Friday, December 12, 2008
pure insanity!
I stand, stand in this web of absolution
Tainted, unsteady. In an entanglement of a variety of lanes
Taken by those before me, those with me, those I let past.
Right where it began from.
I think I tasted it coming in the confusion of the steady wake in the darkness, from darkness.
Head heavy, like that airport 11years ago, that smell, that nausea, that song in that memory.
I wait on time past, present and beyond
That I was never introduced. That has not been greeted.
Its foundation beyond me.
I stretch out my hand.
I’m here, I feel it now, I’m sure I did before,
But it hits me, stops me dead in my tracks.
I sit, always alone, wanting to be alone
Feeling as if this picture of Starbucks ahead of me is my screen,
Adjusting the volume to my earphones.
I sit, always alone, smiling at the over-friendly security guard and ignoring the curious stare of a common African face.
My finger is delegated to this pause button when I take a breath, exhaling an idea, quick, I try to breathe in this inspiration I see is a foggy mist in front of my nose.
I am this mosquito
On my legs I remember scratching her before, the exact same spots.
Like realizing this over and over again, being here with the same mind, heart…but WAIT –
The knowledge is deeper, the craving stronger.
That drug, that t-shirt, that double-take in that dream.
I know as before that there really is no changing this. World’s optical illusion of these two bars I sit in the middle of, no changing the sky’s color of the lights dimness.
I really know there is no strength in any spectacles to make this awareness visible.
I stop, she saw it, sees it, that short, dark haired little girl, in her father’s arms, looking in the same direction as he.
Only she sees it.
My friends torture of unfairness to her left and her right. Her indecisiveness of weight transformation of the 2.
It marvels her, but I understand, it’s not fear,
As I made this right leg of mine,
There were 2 sets I only carried one.
Surprise? NO!
The girl opposite me, it nags her, contribution.
She should have changed her soul; her eyes constantly stare out the window, catching the words that fly around her as they match her fantasies.
She made up her mind.
This woman, this man, this child. He pushes the pram.
She gladly rides, knowing her new toys and candy dreams will be fulfilled.
She trots proudly behind. And as she stands, mimicking her pre-natal stance, fatigue.
But I noticed him first. The cap, the polo ‘Tee’, the pants, the shoes, glasses and moustache. But when I look, he adds-on, free of charge.
Is it really old-school or for old-timers? That phone in a pouch by his belt?
He evokes a picture of a man, not my blood, not a stand in or replacement, but titled but not it, a childless man, referenced in archives as my father.
That he was.
But he still smokes, he still cares. Not knowing what is in his heart and mind. But I see him; his face in this picture has not been blacked out by that angry marker.
I have often compared my father to my dad,
Grateful that what the other offered and took was spent, the other just died down.
Which way do u look at this grass?
I notice shit now, which disturbs my unawareness of detail being aware.
I’m clumsy now.
I talk, I explain, I raise my free hand in response to that classroom question, my hand painting, my mind reeling, I forgot, I’m a robot, this was and is my heart’s joy.
This now feeling like I’m grasping to this rope in a form of art, graphic design thread for life. It is my love.
These rights we award as rewards, excuses for ‘easing one’s mind’, ‘taking a breather’ after a 2500 word essay. Which deserves what?
That pillow, your heavy head, the bottom of that toilet bowl, the endless. Quit, the phone calls, invitations.
Who deserves what?
That inner peace we seek, the words, your words my dear friend of understanding, come and go, near then far, up come down.
I still sit here alone, always alone. Our bubbles slightly merging but to the surface ‘pop!’
I take a deep breath my lungs fills, chasing ideas, a light bulb, inspiration. I absorb my day, mental images of reflections off these store windows, rear-view mirrors and glasses of unfamiliar glances.
This bus won’t move fast enough, my thumb throbs…my phone rings!
You heard me, you listened but you as soon as forgot what you know live within. This is nothing new.
My body rhythms to your words, liquefied into pure, concentrated feeling, plugs in my ears, you talk the language of my soul, and my mind got scared, hid, stop chasing. Pack that shit up in a box, lay it in front of me and let me trip and trip all over it!
Listen to whom…what? Who observes who?
My voice, my mind, my heart and my soul. This is not practiced; today I listen to the conversation of my voice to my fingers to this pen on that page.
Never awake at the same time, my mind has blacked out I can feel my heartbeat, my soul is inspired, not satisfied, high and dry, uncalled, lacking!
Always alone,
My eyes shutting, my mouth whispers a jingle,
Irritating surely but the response is in unison
Like they are used to it, patterned.
Sleep, I know you. Do you ever call first? Do you have a toll-free number? Insurance…money back?
I’m going to ask you…but my opportunist being wants to know if you and your friends can be summoned, leant, conjured? Do u accept bribes? As I know you will not let me tease? I put my head on the pillow…assuming the position,
Yes come, send me somewhere far where my only responsibility on a contract is me.
Gino Obuseng
Monday, November 17, 2008
AFRICA: As We Are
we've been risen
driven and discovered.
laced and shaken, worked and worn.
we have been inspired, beat, awoken and have become movement.
we need no pity, our hearts pure with pride,
we dance on.
we need no sympathy, our skies cry tears of a million stars.
we need no snow, we claim the sun as our friend.
'Pretty' she lies in all directions,
our blanket made of galaxies, our fiery rich soil, winds of bliss and water of life.
we've been risen, knocked down and risen again.
we've been taught the turmoils and the easy,
crime and the good
the purely intense and evil.
we've been mugged, imprisoned, set free!
we still ululate and rejoice the grace that is us,
the glory that is amongst us, in all our capacity.
the beauty imprinted in our skin.
that dwells in our smiles as we with nature.
we've been risen and signed our creed in the sky!
Gino Obuseng
driven and discovered.
laced and shaken, worked and worn.
we have been inspired, beat, awoken and have become movement.
we need no pity, our hearts pure with pride,
we dance on.
we need no sympathy, our skies cry tears of a million stars.
we need no snow, we claim the sun as our friend.
'Pretty' she lies in all directions,
our blanket made of galaxies, our fiery rich soil, winds of bliss and water of life.
we've been risen, knocked down and risen again.
we've been taught the turmoils and the easy,
crime and the good
the purely intense and evil.
we've been mugged, imprisoned, set free!
we still ululate and rejoice the grace that is us,
the glory that is amongst us, in all our capacity.
the beauty imprinted in our skin.
that dwells in our smiles as we with nature.
we've been risen and signed our creed in the sky!
Gino Obuseng
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
i am
I am the light that could shed light upon a dead man heart.
I am the road less travelled, the fears never faced.
I am the dream, the stars rays.
The principal sustainer, the height reacher
I am the night crawler, but the fat worm consumer.
The light at the end of the tunnel, the joy at birth.
I am the church bell, joy and tears.
I am the radiance, I am the core.
I am the delight, I am the result
The cause and the cure.
I am the listener, I am the proclaimed
I am the truth, I am the chaser,
The liar and the light.
I am the prisoner, i am the judge
I am the casualty, I am the lucky
I am the lesson, pillow and the tears.
I am the eye…waiting.
I am realization.
I am time, I am death, a snail
I am force, I am purpose
I am jealousy, I am love
I am sanity, I am the edge, the pill, the ledge
I am the misunderstood, I am the confusing.
I am the haunted, I am the freed.
I am possessed, I am a laugh.
I am the dark, I am the common.
I am the shunned, the cherished, the destroyed, the preserved.
I am the will, I am the fall
I am the seed, I am the root
I am the suffering, I am the survived
I am the maze, I am the way
I am a cactus, the desert and the oasis.
I am the killer, I am the cell.
I am the reason, I am the question.
I am the guard, I am the thief
I am the informer, I am the capturer, I am the controlled and the wanted.
I am the sender, receiver and I am the messenger
I am the applicant, I am the approver and the officer
I am the loved, I am love and loving
I am the seeked, the forgotten and the final frontier
I am the taker, the gift and the giver.
I am the lost, I am whole
I am coincidence, i am the biggest!
I am surprise; i am the heartbeat and the disappointment.
I am the ultimate, i am the infinite
I am a woman.
Gino Obuseng
I am the road less travelled, the fears never faced.
I am the dream, the stars rays.
The principal sustainer, the height reacher
I am the night crawler, but the fat worm consumer.
The light at the end of the tunnel, the joy at birth.
I am the church bell, joy and tears.
I am the radiance, I am the core.
I am the delight, I am the result
The cause and the cure.
I am the listener, I am the proclaimed
I am the truth, I am the chaser,
The liar and the light.
I am the prisoner, i am the judge
I am the casualty, I am the lucky
I am the lesson, pillow and the tears.
I am the eye…waiting.
I am realization.
I am time, I am death, a snail
I am force, I am purpose
I am jealousy, I am love
I am sanity, I am the edge, the pill, the ledge
I am the misunderstood, I am the confusing.
I am the haunted, I am the freed.
I am possessed, I am a laugh.
I am the dark, I am the common.
I am the shunned, the cherished, the destroyed, the preserved.
I am the will, I am the fall
I am the seed, I am the root
I am the suffering, I am the survived
I am the maze, I am the way
I am a cactus, the desert and the oasis.
I am the killer, I am the cell.
I am the reason, I am the question.
I am the guard, I am the thief
I am the informer, I am the capturer, I am the controlled and the wanted.
I am the sender, receiver and I am the messenger
I am the applicant, I am the approver and the officer
I am the loved, I am love and loving
I am the seeked, the forgotten and the final frontier
I am the taker, the gift and the giver.
I am the lost, I am whole
I am coincidence, i am the biggest!
I am surprise; i am the heartbeat and the disappointment.
I am the ultimate, i am the infinite
I am a woman.
Gino Obuseng
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
its all in my head
i had a secret once, its no longer
my woman's self was a river of poison.
but before you get hooked on my venom and can't live without it....
i find it hard to trust
i get emotional and sometimes lose control,
just would love to know the tune of your soul.
if at all you believe my yearns are for only those quivers that possess me, i don't mind as long as you keep reaching for me in the dark.
i drift off sometimes in wonder of the paths you've been down, the flowers you've picked and gardens you've laid.
but only in the wake of my dreams of leaving a mark that will last a lover's lifetime.
i'm down for you...
down on me...i like it.
your pride, talented,
my joy, share with me.
you brought her out,
rid darkness, birthed this
hungry, young...
tell her, let it slide down your tongue.
some say reassurance, i say the blocks you build with words, around my security, that lead up to where you pushed my boundaries up into the air, to a limitless sky. i need them...
don't concern yourself with the jokes my jesters make,
i can only share the shallow.
what is us is ours.
you never have to look far for me.
its just that sometimes the road to you seems so unfamiliar.
where are you?
my confusion only comes into question 'coz i'm so convinced.
i'm still here with you...
Gino Obuseng
my woman's self was a river of poison.
but before you get hooked on my venom and can't live without it....
i find it hard to trust
i get emotional and sometimes lose control,
just would love to know the tune of your soul.
if at all you believe my yearns are for only those quivers that possess me, i don't mind as long as you keep reaching for me in the dark.
i drift off sometimes in wonder of the paths you've been down, the flowers you've picked and gardens you've laid.
but only in the wake of my dreams of leaving a mark that will last a lover's lifetime.
i'm down for you...
down on me...i like it.
your pride, talented,
my joy, share with me.
you brought her out,
rid darkness, birthed this
hungry, young...
tell her, let it slide down your tongue.
some say reassurance, i say the blocks you build with words, around my security, that lead up to where you pushed my boundaries up into the air, to a limitless sky. i need them...
don't concern yourself with the jokes my jesters make,
i can only share the shallow.
what is us is ours.
you never have to look far for me.
its just that sometimes the road to you seems so unfamiliar.
where are you?
my confusion only comes into question 'coz i'm so convinced.
i'm still here with you...
Gino Obuseng
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
gridlock'd
i move along this traffic, lights, pollution, expressionless strangers.
running for that oasis that heals all, for cleansing, indenting.
i race.
not so much to win, but to save oneself.
this pile up of anxiety, of fresh, new beginnings, of unknowings, of next.
now what?
i move along this traffic, not so much making friends but finding comfort, taking notes. helping those all ran out, guiding the ones just began.
i race.
hoping to fix a last heartbreak.
running for that oasis that heals all, for cleansing, indenting.
i race.
not so much to win, but to save oneself.
this pile up of anxiety, of fresh, new beginnings, of unknowings, of next.
now what?
i move along this traffic, not so much making friends but finding comfort, taking notes. helping those all ran out, guiding the ones just began.
i race.
hoping to fix a last heartbreak.
like smoke
i'm like steam,
reacted, converted, forced into this state by my world.
forced to find a home in this tainted air.
dragged deep within for the sole purpose to reach every corner, contaminate, spread and feast.
with you my breathe cuts short.
not so much lubrication as it was absorbtion.
i hear without me your heart beats regularly.
but if it ever happens that the constant and predictable are too mundane
that the purity in my lungs and dryness of my skin, i start to chap away.
light me up.
reacted, converted, forced into this state by my world.
forced to find a home in this tainted air.
dragged deep within for the sole purpose to reach every corner, contaminate, spread and feast.
with you my breathe cuts short.
not so much lubrication as it was absorbtion.
i hear without me your heart beats regularly.
but if it ever happens that the constant and predictable are too mundane
that the purity in my lungs and dryness of my skin, i start to chap away.
light me up.
Monday, June 9, 2008
US! (conference IM)
laone: blindness overtakes me, darkness inavedes me. i am lost without my pen. without life
v.rant: my pen droping ink, leaving marks that heals.. what i write is what i feel
gino: what i remember, what i know. what takes over me what i dream.
laone : but i wonder if its real, is the dream the reality, or the reality a dream.
laone : is there sense in this, or anything else in the world. its all an illusion, but then again, wht isn't?
v.rant: the pain that overpowers me... my words are the reflection of the social ills i see..
v.rant: its the voice within
gino: my words play in both dream n reality. would it matter. and as i lay these bits down, i hope that the ills that have contaminated me are shed.
gino: i write for dear life
laone: i write for now, for tommorrow, for enterntiy. i right for this bleeding heart, this raptured soul
v.rant: i write for freedom..i write for me..i write to stop the hurt
gino: i write to document. i write to stop from screaming. letting what i write to sign on this contract of life what i have seen n felt
gino: i write to prevent the tears from drowning me.
laone: then to which i have clung so dearly nd kissed to lovingly. i write not in my selflessness, but completly drowned in my selfisness.
laone: to free myself, express myself. reddem myse;f
laone: redeem*
v.rant: sometimes the lil voices in my head are hard to get..its like they are speaking spanish............ thats why when i pen down my words down they sound gabbage
v.rant: i write to reedem my self... god only knws the pain i felt in my sleep i have yelled but my soul is still lost
gino: i write as i fall to the ground, foreginly on my knees hoping it a prayer. i write so that when my heart reaquaints itslef with my past i have an army. i write in the dark. i write the stories of this scar
laone: tht burns my face. its clear in the dark, for even then it burns my soul. this scar of wounds long healed, of a war long ended, time long gone
v.rant: hope long lost..by far my existance have only been a budden my voice has not been clear..it has been embeded... my path bended yet again again i leave footprints cloured in red in this life i am as good as dead
gino: i fight life in this world that lives me, i can hear the cries, blow in the wind. these footprints will fade, erode as everything does in form, leaving me lost, empty in pain
laone: yet i must prevail, i must tredge on. i must...if only to fail, still i must
laone: i will drag my crimson feet, my blood stained hands. i'll hold in this once beautiful hands those dreams tht still live inside this broken excuse for a bosy
laone: i must prevail, i must tredge on. i must...if only to fail, still i must
v.rant: still yet...trouble cnt leave me alone...day in n day out my strength is fading
v.rant: i am a lost hope indeed
gino: i sit and watch, weak and weakening. hoping that i dont waste away as the pain does, as the clock ticks on.
laone : the war rages on. if not on the field, then in this head, where all remains vivid, even though the body is frail
laone: nd wht was left of the trail, has long been carried by the currents
a_death has joined the conference.
v.rant: my english teacher once gave men a pen and a paper..... 3 days later i peened my 1st words and i could not feel any beter...and now its my pill....i write to stop the chills.. i write to gain strenght... i write for fresh breath
group.
a_death: ah the soul bleeds fresh inl up these fields
a_death: ink*
a_death: ah the soul bleeds fresh ink upon these fields
a_death: *typo queen*
gino: not only does it free me, it invades me, control me. i need no appaulse n praises. i write to prevent, i write for evidence i write to warn.
laone: write to be free, so tht i n these words, on these pages i may take flight. tht i may hide. tht i may flee
a_death: to warn who do you wirte? pretty ink has rarly moved stubborn heart
a_death: s
v.rant: yes indeed...i write to let loose the tension in me... to take out the rage within
a_death: to what purpose? to what end? the rage and fire, the eternal burning of a soul too tormented my thoughts, when expressed are nothing more than screems in a thunderstorm...not an ear is turned
a_death: and not a heart is moved
a_death: i am alone in my torment
a_death: watching the world through dull glass
gino: this book that i carry with me, my eyes being just 'in between all lines, i do not have the key to the lock. this book that i praise has all my pains, my thoughts. me alone. this book i follow, this book i hide. this book of my death, it is my refuge, my lair, my shrine, my friend
v.rant: life moving very slow..yet the sorow invades me very fast.... i am dead but i can heart my heart beat... just then thats when i open this book within..... for the whole world to read
laone: my confidate, it is also my enemy. for i read back nd i see hw it has refused to forget tht which i tried so hrd to erase. it has clung to it, it has held it still, as if to treasure tht pain from which i ran
a_death: and read they do, from page to page, yet in minds clouded by the here and now they do not grasp the truth, and in silence i see thier confusion
gino: i need no sympathy. i need no help now. i was alone pulling on that 1 page, hoping to erase it.burn it from my mind
laone: nd yet there it is. sme place it was before
laone: did i not shred it to bits, burn it and scatter the ashes, or was it all in my head
gino: marked with the same tears
a_death: a book is a cold bedfellow when the world's sharp teeth claw at the fagile bits of tender flesh in the mind. A cold bedfellow indeed
v.rant: my heart is heavy leden... its like whole world is hanging on me
a_death: my heart is long gone sacrificed to a deamon that promised me nothing, and nothing is what i recived and this cold cavety with in me throbs for the feelings that i no longer have.
gino: but i think, when was a drug, a possession a mild confusion of rage to have to.....re write my name, my heart's progression been warm?
gino: i only have this book, this pad, this pen...
laone: all it was, all it ever will be is a mild escape, a cold freezing of the mind and all it power
v.rant: if only people can see the world within my eyes.... and see the lies it hides.. the pain insides
laone: but this book, it strengthens me, it nourtures me, it quenches bfre i thirst
gino: im afraid no one will see, im small inside. wasting away
a_death: Truth changes nothing, pain is a fact of life, should a heart crippled by pain halt in beat? nay, a poet cannot change the world, pain cannot change the world
a_death: only death can
v.rant: so thats why i let my pain out through my pen...so it could be felt... hope is it can alter the world..b4 we all fade
gino: i live, love and write. i become nothing, say nothing, ieel everything. no one can save me from my life
a_death: once again...this book, this chared, bloody, broken book, can no more change the world than a rose bud, observed for its beauty, for its throns...but nothing more, nothing more after that
laone : no one, nd none understands teh gravity of this pain, the weight of such a measure. no one, but this book
gino: it can only ever change me, darkening the rings around my eyes, shrugging my shoulders
gino: they all just see the reaction and not the pain
a_death: this poetry, this book that you claim, is no more than a deaf singer in the cornerstone of an empty street, belting out songs in a language that no one hears and a pitch that cannot exist in reality.Reality is the ultimate end of this book....its resting place
a_death: life is the death of art
laone: if ever i neededrefuge i have sought nd found it in this book.throu it i hv wept, i hv sung, i hv lied nd now i weep
laone: at the loss of this book, to think it dead, when it , nd only it evr b mine companion
gino: hoping to one night sleep, but only n if this pen rests
v.rant: atlist the book is my only solace.... the friend i always needed
a_death: i had a book once, a large book, leather in skin and gold edged, my soul, my heart my full pain filled it to the bim, open its cover and bitter, bitter brew spills out. In a fit of madness i shared it with one, and in disregard it was thrown away, like rubbish on the streat. I have never touched it again, and i doubt i ever will. writing it was a pain that was tinged with pleasure, losing it was madness
laone: nd yet bcoz of those wretched pages, it is alo my enemy
a_death: i fear this book
gino: this book could lessen the headache, stop that 1 fight, mould HIm to life, create that job and write that letter. this book could clone me.
laone : i loathe thsi book
gino: against my will i would stand in front of a mirror, reflecting this reflection
laone: for i change, nd i groww, nd i learnt to forgive ng forget. but it holds fast to those truths i'ld rather ignore
laone: the ones i'ld rather call lies
gino: these truth i hold in my hands. those whispered promises u see through my eyes
a_death: the truths that have made me what i am today
a_death: but are tempted still to shatter me to dust in the wind
laone: this book. its pages are crimsom in my hands, it bleeds onto me. though it be white, i see blood on its pages
gino: this book i hold is cold, old..falling apart, used
v.rant: it is my past and my present..
a_death: it is my damnation
gino: my death and my fall
a_death: my love and rise
v.rant: my struggle and my victories
gino: cure and my will
laone: my praise
a_death: my shame
gino: my pride
laone: my doubts
v.rant: my pain
a_death: my end
gino the questions, and the answers to my calls
a_death: the song that deffens me to the world
gino: the beat that wakes me from my sleep
laone : my beginnin. a voice i nver had, but wth wch i spoke evr so eloquently
v.rant: the needle that pirces me
a_death: the shackle that holds me
laone: the thred tht binds thris broken soul;
gino: the prison of my walls and the crime
a_death: the line between me and the world
a_death: lies in this book
v.rant: the line between love and hate
gino: on top of me, beneath me, around me..shielding me, pulling me, dragging me and throwing me
laone yet it thretens to brek
a_death: yet it never does
a_death: at times i wish it would
laone: to lead me out there
gino: i jumped thru a crack i found once
laone: to the world i fear so musch, though i hrldy knw
v.rant: i stpo and stare...and wish i am not there
laone: nd there i found bliss, jus for a moment i did
a_death: only to lead to more pain
gino: i fell thru, that light ahead, always ahead
gino: surrounded by all the seasons and climate sthat passed over my fields
gino: it wasnt any different out there
gino: i pain on.
gino: as i pen on
v.rant: you knw when they say there is a lite @ the end of the turnnel well my tunnel seems endless
laone: but the sun was more harsh
a_death: one touch, one touch is all i need...just one moment it time, where i lie in arms that could never lie. just to end this pain...one moment is all i need.
laone : it burnt my skin, and scorched my throt.
laone : but it cld nvr touch my pen
laone vanvuuren: not this one tht holds my voice in its blood. NEVER!
gino999: i lay on my back, my world up side down, standing on that 1 star i made a wish on so long ago.
a_death: hearing voices of loved ones long dead
gino: i rememebr, i rememeber everything
gino: i see you all..diluting the salt in the water of eyes.
laone: i remmebr it so clearly, i almost cld swear
v.rant: my pen droping ink, leaving marks that heals.. what i write is what i feel
gino: what i remember, what i know. what takes over me what i dream.
laone : but i wonder if its real, is the dream the reality, or the reality a dream.
laone : is there sense in this, or anything else in the world. its all an illusion, but then again, wht isn't?
v.rant: the pain that overpowers me... my words are the reflection of the social ills i see..
v.rant: its the voice within
gino: my words play in both dream n reality. would it matter. and as i lay these bits down, i hope that the ills that have contaminated me are shed.
gino: i write for dear life
laone: i write for now, for tommorrow, for enterntiy. i right for this bleeding heart, this raptured soul
v.rant: i write for freedom..i write for me..i write to stop the hurt
gino: i write to document. i write to stop from screaming. letting what i write to sign on this contract of life what i have seen n felt
gino: i write to prevent the tears from drowning me.
laone: then to which i have clung so dearly nd kissed to lovingly. i write not in my selflessness, but completly drowned in my selfisness.
laone: to free myself, express myself. reddem myse;f
laone: redeem*
v.rant: sometimes the lil voices in my head are hard to get..its like they are speaking spanish............ thats why when i pen down my words down they sound gabbage
v.rant: i write to reedem my self... god only knws the pain i felt in my sleep i have yelled but my soul is still lost
gino: i write as i fall to the ground, foreginly on my knees hoping it a prayer. i write so that when my heart reaquaints itslef with my past i have an army. i write in the dark. i write the stories of this scar
laone: tht burns my face. its clear in the dark, for even then it burns my soul. this scar of wounds long healed, of a war long ended, time long gone
v.rant: hope long lost..by far my existance have only been a budden my voice has not been clear..it has been embeded... my path bended yet again again i leave footprints cloured in red in this life i am as good as dead
gino: i fight life in this world that lives me, i can hear the cries, blow in the wind. these footprints will fade, erode as everything does in form, leaving me lost, empty in pain
laone: yet i must prevail, i must tredge on. i must...if only to fail, still i must
laone: i will drag my crimson feet, my blood stained hands. i'll hold in this once beautiful hands those dreams tht still live inside this broken excuse for a bosy
laone: i must prevail, i must tredge on. i must...if only to fail, still i must
v.rant: still yet...trouble cnt leave me alone...day in n day out my strength is fading
v.rant: i am a lost hope indeed
gino: i sit and watch, weak and weakening. hoping that i dont waste away as the pain does, as the clock ticks on.
laone : the war rages on. if not on the field, then in this head, where all remains vivid, even though the body is frail
laone: nd wht was left of the trail, has long been carried by the currents
a_death has joined the conference.
v.rant: my english teacher once gave men a pen and a paper..... 3 days later i peened my 1st words and i could not feel any beter...and now its my pill....i write to stop the chills.. i write to gain strenght... i write for fresh breath
group.
a_death: ah the soul bleeds fresh inl up these fields
a_death: ink*
a_death: ah the soul bleeds fresh ink upon these fields
a_death: *typo queen*
gino: not only does it free me, it invades me, control me. i need no appaulse n praises. i write to prevent, i write for evidence i write to warn.
laone: write to be free, so tht i n these words, on these pages i may take flight. tht i may hide. tht i may flee
a_death: to warn who do you wirte? pretty ink has rarly moved stubborn heart
a_death: s
v.rant: yes indeed...i write to let loose the tension in me... to take out the rage within
a_death: to what purpose? to what end? the rage and fire, the eternal burning of a soul too tormented my thoughts, when expressed are nothing more than screems in a thunderstorm...not an ear is turned
a_death: and not a heart is moved
a_death: i am alone in my torment
a_death: watching the world through dull glass
gino: this book that i carry with me, my eyes being just 'in between all lines, i do not have the key to the lock. this book that i praise has all my pains, my thoughts. me alone. this book i follow, this book i hide. this book of my death, it is my refuge, my lair, my shrine, my friend
v.rant: life moving very slow..yet the sorow invades me very fast.... i am dead but i can heart my heart beat... just then thats when i open this book within..... for the whole world to read
laone: my confidate, it is also my enemy. for i read back nd i see hw it has refused to forget tht which i tried so hrd to erase. it has clung to it, it has held it still, as if to treasure tht pain from which i ran
a_death: and read they do, from page to page, yet in minds clouded by the here and now they do not grasp the truth, and in silence i see thier confusion
gino: i need no sympathy. i need no help now. i was alone pulling on that 1 page, hoping to erase it.burn it from my mind
laone: nd yet there it is. sme place it was before
laone: did i not shred it to bits, burn it and scatter the ashes, or was it all in my head
gino: marked with the same tears
a_death: a book is a cold bedfellow when the world's sharp teeth claw at the fagile bits of tender flesh in the mind. A cold bedfellow indeed
v.rant: my heart is heavy leden... its like whole world is hanging on me
a_death: my heart is long gone sacrificed to a deamon that promised me nothing, and nothing is what i recived and this cold cavety with in me throbs for the feelings that i no longer have.
gino: but i think, when was a drug, a possession a mild confusion of rage to have to.....re write my name, my heart's progression been warm?
gino: i only have this book, this pad, this pen...
laone: all it was, all it ever will be is a mild escape, a cold freezing of the mind and all it power
v.rant: if only people can see the world within my eyes.... and see the lies it hides.. the pain insides
laone: but this book, it strengthens me, it nourtures me, it quenches bfre i thirst
gino: im afraid no one will see, im small inside. wasting away
a_death: Truth changes nothing, pain is a fact of life, should a heart crippled by pain halt in beat? nay, a poet cannot change the world, pain cannot change the world
a_death: only death can
v.rant: so thats why i let my pain out through my pen...so it could be felt... hope is it can alter the world..b4 we all fade
gino: i live, love and write. i become nothing, say nothing, ieel everything. no one can save me from my life
a_death: once again...this book, this chared, bloody, broken book, can no more change the world than a rose bud, observed for its beauty, for its throns...but nothing more, nothing more after that
laone : no one, nd none understands teh gravity of this pain, the weight of such a measure. no one, but this book
gino: it can only ever change me, darkening the rings around my eyes, shrugging my shoulders
gino: they all just see the reaction and not the pain
a_death: this poetry, this book that you claim, is no more than a deaf singer in the cornerstone of an empty street, belting out songs in a language that no one hears and a pitch that cannot exist in reality.Reality is the ultimate end of this book....its resting place
a_death: life is the death of art
laone: if ever i neededrefuge i have sought nd found it in this book.throu it i hv wept, i hv sung, i hv lied nd now i weep
laone: at the loss of this book, to think it dead, when it , nd only it evr b mine companion
gino: hoping to one night sleep, but only n if this pen rests
v.rant: atlist the book is my only solace.... the friend i always needed
a_death: i had a book once, a large book, leather in skin and gold edged, my soul, my heart my full pain filled it to the bim, open its cover and bitter, bitter brew spills out. In a fit of madness i shared it with one, and in disregard it was thrown away, like rubbish on the streat. I have never touched it again, and i doubt i ever will. writing it was a pain that was tinged with pleasure, losing it was madness
laone: nd yet bcoz of those wretched pages, it is alo my enemy
a_death: i fear this book
gino: this book could lessen the headache, stop that 1 fight, mould HIm to life, create that job and write that letter. this book could clone me.
laone : i loathe thsi book
gino: against my will i would stand in front of a mirror, reflecting this reflection
laone: for i change, nd i groww, nd i learnt to forgive ng forget. but it holds fast to those truths i'ld rather ignore
laone: the ones i'ld rather call lies
gino: these truth i hold in my hands. those whispered promises u see through my eyes
a_death: the truths that have made me what i am today
a_death: but are tempted still to shatter me to dust in the wind
laone: this book. its pages are crimsom in my hands, it bleeds onto me. though it be white, i see blood on its pages
gino: this book i hold is cold, old..falling apart, used
v.rant: it is my past and my present..
a_death: it is my damnation
gino: my death and my fall
a_death: my love and rise
v.rant: my struggle and my victories
gino: cure and my will
laone: my praise
a_death: my shame
gino: my pride
laone: my doubts
v.rant: my pain
a_death: my end
gino the questions, and the answers to my calls
a_death: the song that deffens me to the world
gino: the beat that wakes me from my sleep
laone : my beginnin. a voice i nver had, but wth wch i spoke evr so eloquently
v.rant: the needle that pirces me
a_death: the shackle that holds me
laone: the thred tht binds thris broken soul;
gino: the prison of my walls and the crime
a_death: the line between me and the world
a_death: lies in this book
v.rant: the line between love and hate
gino: on top of me, beneath me, around me..shielding me, pulling me, dragging me and throwing me
laone yet it thretens to brek
a_death: yet it never does
a_death: at times i wish it would
laone: to lead me out there
gino: i jumped thru a crack i found once
laone: to the world i fear so musch, though i hrldy knw
v.rant: i stpo and stare...and wish i am not there
laone: nd there i found bliss, jus for a moment i did
a_death: only to lead to more pain
gino: i fell thru, that light ahead, always ahead
gino: surrounded by all the seasons and climate sthat passed over my fields
gino: it wasnt any different out there
gino: i pain on.
gino: as i pen on
v.rant: you knw when they say there is a lite @ the end of the turnnel well my tunnel seems endless
laone: but the sun was more harsh
a_death: one touch, one touch is all i need...just one moment it time, where i lie in arms that could never lie. just to end this pain...one moment is all i need.
laone : it burnt my skin, and scorched my throt.
laone : but it cld nvr touch my pen
laone vanvuuren: not this one tht holds my voice in its blood. NEVER!
gino999: i lay on my back, my world up side down, standing on that 1 star i made a wish on so long ago.
a_death: hearing voices of loved ones long dead
gino: i rememebr, i rememeber everything
gino: i see you all..diluting the salt in the water of eyes.
laone: i remmebr it so clearly, i almost cld swear
me, him...
laone: her breathe is fresh against my neck, her smell lingers on. is it so, or is it all in my head?
laone: in my head, its still real. her firm tits, her soft skin. this is all an illusion
iaone: its sad in this life, i feel like and intruder
laone: even in my own skin, i feel like a stranger
gino: does it have to rhyme
laone: nope
laone: it doesnt even have to make sense
gino: even the tears rolling down my cheeks don't wet the pillow,my laughter sounds foreign.
gino: i even question if my view is the same out this window
laone: its all strange, the trees, the ppl. even the stray cats
laone: i hate it, yet i fell...solitude
laone: feel*!
gino: this strangeness, unacquainted feeling has me adrift, looking from above into myself
laone: as if i were another and not myself. as if i were borrowed, but then. ws i ever not?
gino: i wonder if i jumped would i bounce right back, could i freeze time in this life of make belief the mirror in front of me is a master piece. it perfectly reflects my scars
laone: and the blemish power works wonderfully. ita ccentuate every one of them. they dance on teh mirror. i can even hear their voices
gino: their stories.
laone: their lies
gino: their punishments and their pain
laone: is all, allegedly for teh common gain.
laone: takin 1 for the team tehy call it
gino: for the anguish of silence, to try and forget
laone: but i dnt wanna forget. for if i forget, i may nver hav anthn quiet like this
laone: wch is all i hav
laone: in my head, its still real. her firm tits, her soft skin. this is all an illusion
iaone: its sad in this life, i feel like and intruder
laone: even in my own skin, i feel like a stranger
gino: does it have to rhyme
laone: nope
laone: it doesnt even have to make sense
gino: even the tears rolling down my cheeks don't wet the pillow,my laughter sounds foreign.
gino: i even question if my view is the same out this window
laone: its all strange, the trees, the ppl. even the stray cats
laone: i hate it, yet i fell...solitude
laone: feel*!
gino: this strangeness, unacquainted feeling has me adrift, looking from above into myself
laone: as if i were another and not myself. as if i were borrowed, but then. ws i ever not?
gino: i wonder if i jumped would i bounce right back, could i freeze time in this life of make belief the mirror in front of me is a master piece. it perfectly reflects my scars
laone: and the blemish power works wonderfully. ita ccentuate every one of them. they dance on teh mirror. i can even hear their voices
gino: their stories.
laone: their lies
gino: their punishments and their pain
laone: is all, allegedly for teh common gain.
laone: takin 1 for the team tehy call it
gino: for the anguish of silence, to try and forget
laone: but i dnt wanna forget. for if i forget, i may nver hav anthn quiet like this
laone: wch is all i hav
Saturday, June 7, 2008
like i said
breath taken, above, beyond falling through these cracks,
sorrow muffled my cries and pain suffocates me
breath taken, reaching, crawling
joy uplifts me, through the universe, there is no air.
breath taken, i cannot breathe, grasp, the lengths of this in between heart beats
like this small hand reaching for my face, my joy my heart, part of my skin, this smile, this love i try to shine on to you. this love i try to re produce. searching in eyes that cannot see.
i lay here, drowning
you said you were going up for air for both of us.
i wait here, vision blurring
you once were as blind, does she him in your eyes?
i sit here , head cloudy
waiting for permission to break in to the tiniest pieces in front of u.
to realize i only fight so much for breath, i have been falling, falling fast, i never stopped, never jumped, i wasnt pushed. fast
do you ever think of the day you let me fall through your arms?
Gino Obuseng
sorrow muffled my cries and pain suffocates me
breath taken, reaching, crawling
joy uplifts me, through the universe, there is no air.
breath taken, i cannot breathe, grasp, the lengths of this in between heart beats
like this small hand reaching for my face, my joy my heart, part of my skin, this smile, this love i try to shine on to you. this love i try to re produce. searching in eyes that cannot see.
i lay here, drowning
you said you were going up for air for both of us.
i wait here, vision blurring
you once were as blind, does she him in your eyes?
i sit here , head cloudy
waiting for permission to break in to the tiniest pieces in front of u.
to realize i only fight so much for breath, i have been falling, falling fast, i never stopped, never jumped, i wasnt pushed. fast
do you ever think of the day you let me fall through your arms?
Gino Obuseng
Thursday, June 5, 2008
your chapters done...
i should have been mad from the beginning
cussed you and cursed you
but then i would never get that chance to smile in your face when you realize how much of the shit i really am
i should cry but my tears and i had a signed agreement that first night you showed your ass.
maybe find the one after me and try warn her, but hey we both know she is nothing like me.
maybe you should complement me, instead of complicate shit for me.
convince me instead of trying to control me
I'm a revolutionary women, you cant shut me up...move in, kiss me, make these fingers only wanna write sweet of you
move up, step up, maybe you should stop your excuses they have too many holes
oh yea u looking for something better, i think she went right and around the corner. if you hurry you may catch her...oh wait, there she goes off running now, maybe if you scream she'll turn around.
she does. u walk up to her just before her tears completely dry, u feed her some bullshit n sprinkle some game on it,she walks with you for a while, turns and runs...I'm not slowing down, not looking back.
fake preacher in a pool pit, an average nigga, doing average nigga shit...
this hip hop inspired stride, the turn up of my lips, created by years of finger sucking, bohemian, soft, sweet caramel skinned, long sisterly locks down her up lifted neck, mind in the sky, eyes sexy and devilish to lie in the face of death..skilled, gifted...easy, straight, i sit at the back of this plastic infested society of your opposite, standing out, not saying a word..
i counted the broken pieces of my heart, drowning in a pool of my tears...flooding all average...
i sat this out for a long time it must be I'm not living up to my full potential...
you are just the idea i have stuck in my head, that's not your fault, I'm not a victim you just happened to be something that i wanted to commit with after all your shit that i was willing to look past
you said you wanted to do this right, all the way...u fucked up
i didn't buy it...i just didn't want some other bitch to get you.
i had a dream about u last night, it was the closest to reality, but not once did i think it was real..
i cant be average, my dreams have never been...
i didn't know how deep i was cut until i started to bleed, but nothing was written in stone and you never put your name on it
i picked this average shopping isle, i need to get out of, guys acting like boys but still wanna be called men.
million things to lose n not a single to gain.
i went crazy with though, convinced my self otherwise.
i know u know I'm hurting, I'm not gonna throw it in your face, not even trying to shake it all around for you..i wish you the best, hope as smart as u claim to be, u do know n not let it kill you that IT DON'T GET NO BETTER!
and all that for a nigga that was average doing average nigga shit!
and your book is closed
Gino Obuseng
cussed you and cursed you
but then i would never get that chance to smile in your face when you realize how much of the shit i really am
i should cry but my tears and i had a signed agreement that first night you showed your ass.
maybe find the one after me and try warn her, but hey we both know she is nothing like me.
maybe you should complement me, instead of complicate shit for me.
convince me instead of trying to control me
I'm a revolutionary women, you cant shut me up...move in, kiss me, make these fingers only wanna write sweet of you
move up, step up, maybe you should stop your excuses they have too many holes
oh yea u looking for something better, i think she went right and around the corner. if you hurry you may catch her...oh wait, there she goes off running now, maybe if you scream she'll turn around.
she does. u walk up to her just before her tears completely dry, u feed her some bullshit n sprinkle some game on it,she walks with you for a while, turns and runs...I'm not slowing down, not looking back.
fake preacher in a pool pit, an average nigga, doing average nigga shit...
this hip hop inspired stride, the turn up of my lips, created by years of finger sucking, bohemian, soft, sweet caramel skinned, long sisterly locks down her up lifted neck, mind in the sky, eyes sexy and devilish to lie in the face of death..skilled, gifted...easy, straight, i sit at the back of this plastic infested society of your opposite, standing out, not saying a word..
i counted the broken pieces of my heart, drowning in a pool of my tears...flooding all average...
i sat this out for a long time it must be I'm not living up to my full potential...
you are just the idea i have stuck in my head, that's not your fault, I'm not a victim you just happened to be something that i wanted to commit with after all your shit that i was willing to look past
you said you wanted to do this right, all the way...u fucked up
i didn't buy it...i just didn't want some other bitch to get you.
i had a dream about u last night, it was the closest to reality, but not once did i think it was real..
i cant be average, my dreams have never been...
i didn't know how deep i was cut until i started to bleed, but nothing was written in stone and you never put your name on it
i picked this average shopping isle, i need to get out of, guys acting like boys but still wanna be called men.
million things to lose n not a single to gain.
i went crazy with though, convinced my self otherwise.
i know u know I'm hurting, I'm not gonna throw it in your face, not even trying to shake it all around for you..i wish you the best, hope as smart as u claim to be, u do know n not let it kill you that IT DON'T GET NO BETTER!
and all that for a nigga that was average doing average nigga shit!
and your book is closed
Gino Obuseng
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Part V: Blue
I’m hoping to be writing this in diary form.
Trying to vaguen my audience into believing this obsession is just that! if I concentrate hard enough at this handwriting gets foggier and hazier
Maybe I’ll stop remembering you in my thoughts.
I’ll stop picturing you everywhere in my room, even blending in with colors I bought after you.
You took it all
I want my color back!
And I know this will go away
Just a few more bricks from this tonne over my head and I could let it pass…
I want you to disappear off the face of the earth, to cease all existence
But if it wasn’t because of u, all this nonsense.
But I know that you will if ever try to save me long after the ink dries.
Just loosen the grip you have.
I think about him a lot
He who inspires me.
He who smiles when I walk through the door.
He who provokes my smile, controls the temperature of my blood
The courier of my heart.
The one, who shields, preserves, cherishes, appreciates, secures and knows.
But I think of this inspired, motivated, dragged to my haven, my shelter by you.
I dream of this now that you are no more.
He completes my sentences, dwells in my being, and tells my written story between all these lines.
In tune with his soul.
Knows, understands, keeps and says.
I think of this now that your hair keeps my fingers busy no longer.
I think of this now my words like tears.
I think about him more now,
My healer, one who mends.
Sweeps me off my feet,
More now that I’ve slipped to you and I’s end.
Gino Obuseng
Part IV: a hearts' eviction
The lights dimmed and smoke rose from that cold emptiness, that head throb,
I woke up hung-over, but the scabs and bruises lead me to believe I had slept through the worst.
After trying to drink you outta my system.
Limped outta bed to get some green, finding pains in the shower as I lift to reach for my lighter.
I remember the sweat; I smell it in the clothes I wore.
I remember feeling free, in rhythm trying to make my steps be my hearts control and lead.
Exhausted! Trying to dance you outta my system.
I jumped outta my body into my thoughts, dreams and fantasies of you.
Led me to forget why I closed and chained the door behind me.
My paranoia is slipping away.
I walk all night blazed, in a maze, the walls lined up back to back with pictures of you, burning just the hairs on my skin.
As I try to smoke you outta my system.
I waited until atleast the sun was up, until lights were switched off, and I heard footsteps, drunken with sleep.
Spring cleaning my room was to organize my thoughts, get them in me, sorted, your initials the file name.
The volume was to try and drown out the ice breaking, my heart beat irregularly as I tried to sing you outta my system.
Moments and letters stretch long, high, around, entangling me in this brief disillusionment.
I’m boiling inside taken over by this possession.
I could produce the best pieces from this heartache but I’m scared it may numb me.
Like all those nights placing my hand on your pure coffee bean back, mixing in my milk, when I couldn’t keep the tips of my fingers off you.
While I fight me off, you away
And my fingers still writing you outta my system.
Gino Obuseng
Part III: your still working
would it have been easier to ignore it, stumble on
i wanted to complicate my life with you
wait up for that fore head kiss
watch you sleep just so i can write you a love poem
i miss your smile.
with everything said and done
did we reach a finish line?
the pit way stops and detours
every part of my body wants you back,
even the tears.
my heart has nothing to do with it this time.
i dont want to figure and discover anything about you.
i needed and longed for the surprises
why now?
i dont wanna find out anything else about you, whike i still...
crave you
wonder about you in my life.
i dont want to cry anymore over you,
as my tears sign off my hurt.
i dont want to enjoy your smile unless i'm getting you back.
Gino Obuseng
i wanted to complicate my life with you
wait up for that fore head kiss
watch you sleep just so i can write you a love poem
i miss your smile.
with everything said and done
did we reach a finish line?
the pit way stops and detours
every part of my body wants you back,
even the tears.
my heart has nothing to do with it this time.
i dont want to figure and discover anything about you.
i needed and longed for the surprises
why now?
i dont wanna find out anything else about you, whike i still...
crave you
wonder about you in my life.
i dont want to cry anymore over you,
as my tears sign off my hurt.
i dont want to enjoy your smile unless i'm getting you back.
Gino Obuseng
Sunday, May 18, 2008
part II: losing it
part of me wondered how it was
to feel you everywhere i go
carried you in my soul.
i'm glad i wont have to go through that with you,
for you.
the key to 'acting' tough is not hard to find.
this addiction i acquired, this feeling of being torn away, i sit and know, hope it will go away,
listening, watching, inspired, rooted, crazy, crying, keeping it together until now everything in me is screaming for help.
i wanna be mad as hell, scream my lungs out, cry my eyes out,
i wondered what it would feel like to try and re-build your smile.
there was a part of me that wouldn't wait to tell you, to try and spark a miracle.
but tell me, is everything that you thought and said what you saw when you looked at me?
i want the strength that was said to have been given to women, i re-enact it everyday hoping it would be routine.
that my body would learn habit
to feel the right to say i want you
to help me get over you.
i think of the next to be like a friend,
but still i miss you. i've been hurt.
even though you almost destroyed it u know i still have a heart.
Gino Obuseng
to feel you everywhere i go
carried you in my soul.
i'm glad i wont have to go through that with you,
for you.
the key to 'acting' tough is not hard to find.
this addiction i acquired, this feeling of being torn away, i sit and know, hope it will go away,
listening, watching, inspired, rooted, crazy, crying, keeping it together until now everything in me is screaming for help.
i wanna be mad as hell, scream my lungs out, cry my eyes out,
i wondered what it would feel like to try and re-build your smile.
there was a part of me that wouldn't wait to tell you, to try and spark a miracle.
but tell me, is everything that you thought and said what you saw when you looked at me?
i want the strength that was said to have been given to women, i re-enact it everyday hoping it would be routine.
that my body would learn habit
to feel the right to say i want you
to help me get over you.
i think of the next to be like a friend,
but still i miss you. i've been hurt.
even though you almost destroyed it u know i still have a heart.
Gino Obuseng
Saturday, May 17, 2008
it still works
i smile wherever i go, i will play, laugh and go on
you will see me flowing by looking fine as hell,
moving to the bass in the music and ease of the smoke 'up in the club'.
we would briefly lock eyes, the curve in my lips shining with that twinkle in my eye.
i will call on my gals to get ready,
wine and dine and be silly, flirt a little,
sing for a while
dance up a sweat.
doing it, n doing it, n doing it well!
but listen this is when i'm not hiding, dazed confused , fantasizing bout you,
not doing and doing everything fighting,
fighting you off.
YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY!
i miss you so much, even when we are fighting, even when i speak of 'us' in the present.
do you think of me at all?
this heart is broken. Trying, singing its heart out, pressing forward and regretting not kissing you that one last time, but dont get me wrongit was broken before you.
look i love you. iw ished you were the 1 they called the 1, everytime you touched me.
i smile wherever i go. i will play, laughand go on
you will see that child-like, tormented person there is if you come close enough
i have to get everything you made me feel, early in the morning, buzzing...losing control.
could i have you in any deeper?
but like i said this soul shifted a while back;
when HE used to take his time.
when HE used to treat me like a lady, praise me, show me off.
when i let HIM hold me all night.
this heart was broken back when HE made me smile from so far away.
the times when being close was in bed.
HE who made it so that the neighbours heard, knew our business.
the ONE who was right next door, my longest, easiest, most true, happiest, most unmendable.
my heart still broke that one night of pure lust and temptation.
the games that i played.
the lies i told, the minds i messed with
that night when U reminded me that it still hurts when i remember.
my heart breaks, flows out of my ears, eyes, this pen...
did i tell you i missed you. i'm not quite sure what to do.
but its done already, i know that.
what were we thinking?
i dont blame you.
i'm not a victim, this heart has long broken.
but i smile wherever i go, i will play, laugh and go on.
... to be continued
Gino Obuseng
you will see me flowing by looking fine as hell,
moving to the bass in the music and ease of the smoke 'up in the club'.
we would briefly lock eyes, the curve in my lips shining with that twinkle in my eye.
i will call on my gals to get ready,
wine and dine and be silly, flirt a little,
sing for a while
dance up a sweat.
doing it, n doing it, n doing it well!
but listen this is when i'm not hiding, dazed confused , fantasizing bout you,
not doing and doing everything fighting,
fighting you off.
YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY!
i miss you so much, even when we are fighting, even when i speak of 'us' in the present.
do you think of me at all?
this heart is broken. Trying, singing its heart out, pressing forward and regretting not kissing you that one last time, but dont get me wrongit was broken before you.
look i love you. iw ished you were the 1 they called the 1, everytime you touched me.
i smile wherever i go. i will play, laughand go on
you will see that child-like, tormented person there is if you come close enough
i have to get everything you made me feel, early in the morning, buzzing...losing control.
could i have you in any deeper?
but like i said this soul shifted a while back;
when HE used to take his time.
when HE used to treat me like a lady, praise me, show me off.
when i let HIM hold me all night.
this heart was broken back when HE made me smile from so far away.
the times when being close was in bed.
HE who made it so that the neighbours heard, knew our business.
the ONE who was right next door, my longest, easiest, most true, happiest, most unmendable.
my heart still broke that one night of pure lust and temptation.
the games that i played.
the lies i told, the minds i messed with
that night when U reminded me that it still hurts when i remember.
my heart breaks, flows out of my ears, eyes, this pen...
did i tell you i missed you. i'm not quite sure what to do.
but its done already, i know that.
what were we thinking?
i dont blame you.
i'm not a victim, this heart has long broken.
but i smile wherever i go, i will play, laugh and go on.
... to be continued
Gino Obuseng
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
my very 1st 'Untitled'
intelligent as night is dark. as beautiful as sun is hot.
some one whose name was vague, someone whose smell had been gone from my life for a lover's lifetime.
for a moment that seemed to go on forever, we'd lock eyes, see the familarity that would take us back to those brief twinkles of pleasure. From my soul rose a cringe that made me tremble. his eyes would dim with the reminder of an undeserved heartbreak.
his face would lose its joy.
as quickly as he appeared, he'd vanish with the winds.
sadness would overwhelm me everytime.
a lot of things have been raptured, but life repairs itself.pain lessen.
wounds heal. scars remain and whether or not, we stop clinging and, move on.
i cried for the love I'd only discovered as i was losing it.
how can love escape your grasp without you ever letting go?
but those days were memories that coloured the back of my mind.
im very emotional. the intensity i get from loving someone i'm in love with is remarkable, nearly uncontrollable. i love hard. Love deep. Love long.
if i had never been in love i wouldnt crave the wonderful, crazy, euphoric feeling it gave when it was working.
if i had never had sex, i'd never ache for the eroticism while i worked it with someone i wanted to have my heart.
if i had never been in love i wouldn't fight the feeling of love when it came.
some one whose name was vague, someone whose smell had been gone from my life for a lover's lifetime.
for a moment that seemed to go on forever, we'd lock eyes, see the familarity that would take us back to those brief twinkles of pleasure. From my soul rose a cringe that made me tremble. his eyes would dim with the reminder of an undeserved heartbreak.
his face would lose its joy.
as quickly as he appeared, he'd vanish with the winds.
sadness would overwhelm me everytime.
a lot of things have been raptured, but life repairs itself.pain lessen.
wounds heal. scars remain and whether or not, we stop clinging and, move on.
i cried for the love I'd only discovered as i was losing it.
how can love escape your grasp without you ever letting go?
but those days were memories that coloured the back of my mind.
im very emotional. the intensity i get from loving someone i'm in love with is remarkable, nearly uncontrollable. i love hard. Love deep. Love long.
if i had never been in love i wouldnt crave the wonderful, crazy, euphoric feeling it gave when it was working.
if i had never had sex, i'd never ache for the eroticism while i worked it with someone i wanted to have my heart.
if i had never been in love i wouldn't fight the feeling of love when it came.
joys and hurts
in just a memory
slips away
i could and maybe rhyme and ignore the fact that i cant write
i could perhaps sketch and maybe my thousand words would heal me
i should cry but i cant let u keep slipping deep
i want to scream, but only if i know for sure that you might be listening
in just a memory
i forget
that yours was sprinkled with that lil bit extra
and as in a dream, many parts are at a miss
many faces not clear
i could thirst you from now until tomorrow, but i'd rather get parched
your desert was the driest, the roughest, the dustiest, most numbing with its most beautiful oasis
i could love you forever but i've loved you enough
i will not let this show
that i settled, that i feel in love with a draft of a soft poem, incomplete piece of art
a sketch of a masterpiece ready to bury the Mona Lisa
i should have waited for the paint to dry, but i broke it, i own it now
and now your shoe print stays in this wet cement
the perfect harmony, the matching bass
i shouldnt have tried to freestyle for the 1st time over a an exquist beat
i lost my lyrics in 'la la' land looking for gloss i had no idea about till i saw the change n receipt in my hand
all i ever did was exhale, knowing if i say 'those words' close enough to yr trembling body, the heat from my throat would bounce back to me, hoping n wishing that that means they stayed with me
warm, dark shell of chocolate laced with that sprinkly sour sugar, meant for deceit of an explosion of flavour so captivating
you had me inspired, but neither your fears, question and our lust were loans
i run my hands thru yr dreads, curl them up exactly in the pattern the sheets are crumpled up just to convince you of an attempt in muffling the moans.
slips away
i could and maybe rhyme and ignore the fact that i cant write
i could perhaps sketch and maybe my thousand words would heal me
i should cry but i cant let u keep slipping deep
i want to scream, but only if i know for sure that you might be listening
in just a memory
i forget
that yours was sprinkled with that lil bit extra
and as in a dream, many parts are at a miss
many faces not clear
i could thirst you from now until tomorrow, but i'd rather get parched
your desert was the driest, the roughest, the dustiest, most numbing with its most beautiful oasis
i could love you forever but i've loved you enough
i will not let this show
that i settled, that i feel in love with a draft of a soft poem, incomplete piece of art
a sketch of a masterpiece ready to bury the Mona Lisa
i should have waited for the paint to dry, but i broke it, i own it now
and now your shoe print stays in this wet cement
the perfect harmony, the matching bass
i shouldnt have tried to freestyle for the 1st time over a an exquist beat
i lost my lyrics in 'la la' land looking for gloss i had no idea about till i saw the change n receipt in my hand
all i ever did was exhale, knowing if i say 'those words' close enough to yr trembling body, the heat from my throat would bounce back to me, hoping n wishing that that means they stayed with me
warm, dark shell of chocolate laced with that sprinkly sour sugar, meant for deceit of an explosion of flavour so captivating
you had me inspired, but neither your fears, question and our lust were loans
i run my hands thru yr dreads, curl them up exactly in the pattern the sheets are crumpled up just to convince you of an attempt in muffling the moans.
Monday, May 5, 2008
yours is an uncertain heart
was a fool to ever think that the way your hand led the woman's anatomy was some sort of special
take over i had over u, but thats exactly what i was just a "woman's body"
you grabbed my hand, kissed me deeply, told me you loved me as u brushed the side of my face, left the club early...
you don't answer the door or your phone...hold me tighter and say you just wanna be with your baby...
your friends greet me n smile
look out for me n ask
ba nskeifisa n wonder out aloud of where i've been
you dont call the way u used to, text me even when you know i'm sleeping
and i sit patiently everyday waiting, for love, for a reply, phone call, attention, a kiss
she was there in the club that night, wasnt she?
knocking, texting, calling and buzzing you online.
shit, i'd take a page outta your friends' book and welcome the new with her loud, tacky, desperate ass.
i'm not sure what i have, but i'm sure now, today...her name appears in your inbox more than mine.
starting to wonder whats better being in your bed alone, or on your screen with her.
but name calling is where i'll end. coz i'm certain she ran in lane and fell for the same game.
Gino Obuseng
take over i had over u, but thats exactly what i was just a "woman's body"
you grabbed my hand, kissed me deeply, told me you loved me as u brushed the side of my face, left the club early...
you don't answer the door or your phone...hold me tighter and say you just wanna be with your baby...
your friends greet me n smile
look out for me n ask
ba nskeifisa n wonder out aloud of where i've been
you dont call the way u used to, text me even when you know i'm sleeping
and i sit patiently everyday waiting, for love, for a reply, phone call, attention, a kiss
she was there in the club that night, wasnt she?
knocking, texting, calling and buzzing you online.
shit, i'd take a page outta your friends' book and welcome the new with her loud, tacky, desperate ass.
i'm not sure what i have, but i'm sure now, today...her name appears in your inbox more than mine.
starting to wonder whats better being in your bed alone, or on your screen with her.
but name calling is where i'll end. coz i'm certain she ran in lane and fell for the same game.
Gino Obuseng
Thursday, April 24, 2008
u move me
would be a lie if i called our love poetry,
or would u rather i twisted the truth and said your eyes were my haven.
your touch my hunger
NO. i promised you i would never lie to you.
You the inspiration that my possession conjours through my pen.
the cloud i lay upon, when not my mind, but my soul is in the sky.
you are the itch in my urge to scream.
you do more than move me,
pleasure and pain to shake me.
you rattle my brain to focus on nothing but the rhythm of your lips
my body to groove to only your beat.
my soul shines brighter and my breaths come harder.
and if my temple shall be your downfall.
it shall break that fall
and if this temple shall nurture what is yours and mine.
let this be my signature.
you shake me, with fear
that not only rattles my bones, but rises a rumble inside my wake of war.
i am at your frontline.
do what you do with your hands while i sleep.
take my soul in darkness today,
my heart will be next in line for tomorrow...
'coz it really doesn't matter which one is under scrutiny today.
they are all here, willing, openly loving, waiting
for you, to come over here so we can shake this bed and rattle this room
or would u rather i twisted the truth and said your eyes were my haven.
your touch my hunger
NO. i promised you i would never lie to you.
You the inspiration that my possession conjours through my pen.
the cloud i lay upon, when not my mind, but my soul is in the sky.
you are the itch in my urge to scream.
you do more than move me,
pleasure and pain to shake me.
you rattle my brain to focus on nothing but the rhythm of your lips
my body to groove to only your beat.
my soul shines brighter and my breaths come harder.
and if my temple shall be your downfall.
it shall break that fall
and if this temple shall nurture what is yours and mine.
let this be my signature.
you shake me, with fear
that not only rattles my bones, but rises a rumble inside my wake of war.
i am at your frontline.
do what you do with your hands while i sleep.
take my soul in darkness today,
my heart will be next in line for tomorrow...
'coz it really doesn't matter which one is under scrutiny today.
they are all here, willing, openly loving, waiting
for you, to come over here so we can shake this bed and rattle this room
dreamlove
Yes, you could love me less in your sobriety
You could love a hell of a lot more in your drunken state
It’s true the way I felt about your nigga
There are many things that have taken place long before
I and his bittersweet sacrifice of hiding in a lie began
(Stuck in my head, NO!)
These will always be painted in my memories.
Sobriety is limiting, it has a promise in its face
Leaving you in the wake of mistakes, always slow to react.
Beauty, natural beauty is nothing created or invented
Nothing preserved or well kept
Nothing worth praising or an award
It just is.
I am what I feel constantly and there is no honesty in that
When I am happy u see it
Sad you just might
My ability of hiding is beyond the outer boundaries of what you can imagine.
My naturally beautiful self beyond boundaries, drunken, sober, in insanity, beyond thought and trial will run out of time and learn how it all unwinds.
My true self is haunted, by fear, unhealthy wounds, with its walls caving in.
My true self, is distracted, confused by an endless discomfort
I’ve felt this, and now lacking in self control, I’m just a mirror of the things I feel, reflecting nothing, holding hands with my own reflection…beside me.
The etched memories in my mind feed the pressure.
And as for what you see, can’t be the struggle but only the trouble.
So tell me now, could you love me while beyond the outer boundaries of a niggas state, while there’s really nothing left to love, AT ALL!?
You could love a hell of a lot more in your drunken state
It’s true the way I felt about your nigga
There are many things that have taken place long before
I and his bittersweet sacrifice of hiding in a lie began
(Stuck in my head, NO!)
These will always be painted in my memories.
Sobriety is limiting, it has a promise in its face
Leaving you in the wake of mistakes, always slow to react.
Beauty, natural beauty is nothing created or invented
Nothing preserved or well kept
Nothing worth praising or an award
It just is.
I am what I feel constantly and there is no honesty in that
When I am happy u see it
Sad you just might
My ability of hiding is beyond the outer boundaries of what you can imagine.
My naturally beautiful self beyond boundaries, drunken, sober, in insanity, beyond thought and trial will run out of time and learn how it all unwinds.
My true self is haunted, by fear, unhealthy wounds, with its walls caving in.
My true self, is distracted, confused by an endless discomfort
I’ve felt this, and now lacking in self control, I’m just a mirror of the things I feel, reflecting nothing, holding hands with my own reflection…beside me.
The etched memories in my mind feed the pressure.
And as for what you see, can’t be the struggle but only the trouble.
So tell me now, could you love me while beyond the outer boundaries of a niggas state, while there’s really nothing left to love, AT ALL!?
between life and exsistance
standing in the bathroom of hell, holding the hand of death.
bloody wrists.
wishing and hoping that maybe, one day i'll wake up and realize that everything i have been taught was a faux, a cover-up, for maybe something better.
that i'd have to re-learn my ignorance, re-learn the ways that have never been of human nature.
that all along "THEY" were just characters, designs of your hearts' desire. and you heart is not the dispenser of feeling and your mind would be just a pure reflection of previous traffic lights.
human beings are designed for alot of things, lonliness is not one of them.
high above everything else, stirred a wind,
swimming in a dead sky
swimming for dear life
a heart, mended in many tiny pieces
screaming, screaming for help
holding on to threads of poison
in flew a bird
fluttering, moving with this flow of air
beckoned by the souls' of souls
the grain of hope where needed.
little did he know he had just been appointed to save my life.
bloody wrists.
wishing and hoping that maybe, one day i'll wake up and realize that everything i have been taught was a faux, a cover-up, for maybe something better.
that i'd have to re-learn my ignorance, re-learn the ways that have never been of human nature.
that all along "THEY" were just characters, designs of your hearts' desire. and you heart is not the dispenser of feeling and your mind would be just a pure reflection of previous traffic lights.
human beings are designed for alot of things, lonliness is not one of them.
high above everything else, stirred a wind,
swimming in a dead sky
swimming for dear life
a heart, mended in many tiny pieces
screaming, screaming for help
holding on to threads of poison
in flew a bird
fluttering, moving with this flow of air
beckoned by the souls' of souls
the grain of hope where needed.
little did he know he had just been appointed to save my life.
rape of love
lose of innocence, but not really, the feeling was of familirality
more like the violation of choice
when a clock that counts down is thrown, smashes, and the glasses scar your face.
the burning of trust is the result of the smoke in the room.
i dont smoke too much!
to explain it would be like chasing air,
its like 2 negations in 1 sentence that doent inturn become positive.
the birth of death
the down in ups
you are my day dreams and my nightmares.
i love you.
i hate you,
you stole, ran
moved on and crossed me off.
do i blame YOU though,
satisfaction, u got wat u came for, found it right where i had left it.
you had me
we never shared secrets
you irritate the shit outta me coz now i take the long way home.
my favourite place is now a common detour.
do i still want you to sweep me away?
i think about u.
its a memory, that runs in your mind endlessly, like the perpetrator runs in the night..
maybe i should have guessed, vampires only come out at night.
you've bleed me dry.
you pushed all my buttons..
tell me..when it was in your face, how did it taste?
blame me coz i put up the disguise
hate me forever just like u did that 1 night..
has yours or my luck run out?
i see you coming,
tryna act polite
im a good gal, no grudges, NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!that you r an asshole...
i should be running
but i know the game is the same
wat goes around comes around!
now i will pack you up and put u in a box with ALL the others...
did you get to me?
only after a few gin and tonics?
i really wanna get over you...
wheres my pile of grass?
the last laugh is mine...coz u dropped some good shit...
i wanna LOL in your face? but i'll do it in the picture i drew of u...
more like the violation of choice
when a clock that counts down is thrown, smashes, and the glasses scar your face.
the burning of trust is the result of the smoke in the room.
i dont smoke too much!
to explain it would be like chasing air,
its like 2 negations in 1 sentence that doent inturn become positive.
the birth of death
the down in ups
you are my day dreams and my nightmares.
i love you.
i hate you,
you stole, ran
moved on and crossed me off.
do i blame YOU though,
satisfaction, u got wat u came for, found it right where i had left it.
you had me
we never shared secrets
you irritate the shit outta me coz now i take the long way home.
my favourite place is now a common detour.
do i still want you to sweep me away?
i think about u.
its a memory, that runs in your mind endlessly, like the perpetrator runs in the night..
maybe i should have guessed, vampires only come out at night.
you've bleed me dry.
you pushed all my buttons..
tell me..when it was in your face, how did it taste?
blame me coz i put up the disguise
hate me forever just like u did that 1 night..
has yours or my luck run out?
i see you coming,
tryna act polite
im a good gal, no grudges, NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!that you r an asshole...
i should be running
but i know the game is the same
wat goes around comes around!
now i will pack you up and put u in a box with ALL the others...
did you get to me?
only after a few gin and tonics?
i really wanna get over you...
wheres my pile of grass?
the last laugh is mine...coz u dropped some good shit...
i wanna LOL in your face? but i'll do it in the picture i drew of u...
twenty O 1, 08
i guess i could go with the flow only if your waves allowed me to surf the trembles in the ocean of your heart
i could be your dream only if the clouding of your brain could let my raindrops pour.
i could grow on you like leaves on a tree but the bark that covers the walls of you within, is too thick and the pain in your self growth sinks below the roots
we could bloom so bright and beautiful, spread like the suns rays, but it seems the lightning is always behind us.
and here as we stand still with time, our day changing to night and our moon always ahead of the sun.
still we stand on opposite sides of the world, different seasons, under different galaxies, face to face but still....
look into my eyes and tell me if you and I's exsistence, not distance doesnt equal earth.
i could be your dream only if the clouding of your brain could let my raindrops pour.
i could grow on you like leaves on a tree but the bark that covers the walls of you within, is too thick and the pain in your self growth sinks below the roots
we could bloom so bright and beautiful, spread like the suns rays, but it seems the lightning is always behind us.
and here as we stand still with time, our day changing to night and our moon always ahead of the sun.
still we stand on opposite sides of the world, different seasons, under different galaxies, face to face but still....
look into my eyes and tell me if you and I's exsistence, not distance doesnt equal earth.
This is me, between all lines
if only my heart could change its mind like my hand changes font.
(my heart is a pen for a ready writer.)
if only my words could be easily laid out for those in traffic as a song blares.
(i am no song writer.)
my song is a lyric & high note of a nervous singer.
i want to tell you something, do you have patience enough to wait for the paint on this picture to dry?
i bruise easily, the ink on my skin is from within. How kinds of roses are there? they fall cross-bred individually all unalike from my head, wilted but alive.
though my heart has me exposed, this light skin is from the lack of discovery.
i had a re-occuring nightmare of being stabbed to death. it isn'ta disappointment that my ears n tongue never bled.
i have no suspects, no one to blame...
i am alone in this casket, buried alive.
as i pick at the wounds, the blame on you is deliberate.
what mine is, is not issues, its a pending question.
my eyes are inherited, the rings around then earned.
my tears are not liquid, i call them abstract worry.
i am not an artist. words become me.
mine is not defined ART.
a sixth sense for the mute.
my inner muse must be a bear, for her hibernation stretches n crawls under the skin, like the cold of winter.
the scars that i have from falling as a child were all mapped out.
my nails are designs, ideas that teeth can't quite grasp.
im wondering if my right foot is leading to a path i once lost.
the blue in my closet was made from fallen sky.
my beads and bangles can always be diamonds and pearls.
(not all stars shoot.)
my words are of mine, not to be praised
(those that love more, have no one)
my heels are never high.
the gateway, window of my soul could never be my deceitful eyes, no.
but fear of the rising sun.
my screams are as harmful as my laugh strains me.
the iilusionists directs attention elsewhere,
the source of my beauty is not my smile.
the arch of my eyebrows is not been carved
the taint of my skin was a gift from the womb.
in the pool of bliss my navel is not the shallower end.
the chereography of my hips is not a double joint.
the humidity in my lair is provoked.
and in this trap, the sounds are the same as the words i carve on your back.
in this so usual expression, a woman pushes through.
the capability n potential of destruction caused by the nature of man is not for the faint hearted.
i could write on n forever
but i want those moved to continue...
(my heart is a pen for a ready writer.)
if only my words could be easily laid out for those in traffic as a song blares.
(i am no song writer.)
my song is a lyric & high note of a nervous singer.
i want to tell you something, do you have patience enough to wait for the paint on this picture to dry?
i bruise easily, the ink on my skin is from within. How kinds of roses are there? they fall cross-bred individually all unalike from my head, wilted but alive.
though my heart has me exposed, this light skin is from the lack of discovery.
i had a re-occuring nightmare of being stabbed to death. it isn'ta disappointment that my ears n tongue never bled.
i have no suspects, no one to blame...
i am alone in this casket, buried alive.
as i pick at the wounds, the blame on you is deliberate.
what mine is, is not issues, its a pending question.
my eyes are inherited, the rings around then earned.
my tears are not liquid, i call them abstract worry.
i am not an artist. words become me.
mine is not defined ART.
a sixth sense for the mute.
my inner muse must be a bear, for her hibernation stretches n crawls under the skin, like the cold of winter.
the scars that i have from falling as a child were all mapped out.
my nails are designs, ideas that teeth can't quite grasp.
im wondering if my right foot is leading to a path i once lost.
the blue in my closet was made from fallen sky.
my beads and bangles can always be diamonds and pearls.
(not all stars shoot.)
my words are of mine, not to be praised
(those that love more, have no one)
my heels are never high.
the gateway, window of my soul could never be my deceitful eyes, no.
but fear of the rising sun.
my screams are as harmful as my laugh strains me.
the iilusionists directs attention elsewhere,
the source of my beauty is not my smile.
the arch of my eyebrows is not been carved
the taint of my skin was a gift from the womb.
in the pool of bliss my navel is not the shallower end.
the chereography of my hips is not a double joint.
the humidity in my lair is provoked.
and in this trap, the sounds are the same as the words i carve on your back.
in this so usual expression, a woman pushes through.
the capability n potential of destruction caused by the nature of man is not for the faint hearted.
i could write on n forever
but i want those moved to continue...
NO WAKING UP, NO SLEEP...NO TITLE
I woke up one day to the sound of him leaving, and I asked him, what went wrong? He smiled as he brushed my cheek and started to tell me he had packed his bags a long time ago. That he sneaked back ‘coz, well, I was the only person who could heal the wound I had created and help get over me.
I woke up to him screaming, in the middle of the night. I held tight, he pushed me away and told me that he was tired of existence, that all he wanted was to live, he needed to be warm, his tomb had coldened my heart.
I woke up to the sound of him crying. I tried to tell him I didn’t need a river in his name. He explained they weren’t for me, but for him. He needed to leave a trail so that he’ll never get lost. That night 23 months ago was our last night.
I woke up to him loving me, as surprise excited me and ecstasy overwhelmed us, he stopped, confessed to me that, this, was not the best, that the rest of the times and the days, forever we would always be as one. A tear rolled down my face, and as a promise, that my tears would never be of fire but for him to taste my spirit, he swallowed it.
I woke up and his back was towards me.
I rolled towards him.
He whispered that I didn’t have to hold on so tight and that I’d forget one day to smile at him and tell him I cared.
I woke up to him kissing me; I embraced it and stole seconds of that bliss to take with me.
I woke up to his touch, and as a miracle where he laid his hands didn’t hurt anymore. And under all the bandages, my wounds were starting to scab. And the bleeding had stopped.
I woke up in his arms, surprised as to how I had gotten there, scared. He started to try and calm me down, told me he wouldn’t hurt me, he stole me, fought me and that I was free to go, run, but that he would be back the next day, morning and tonight. To find me.
I never hid and I don’t recall even trying to runaway.
I woke up several times without him there, and I couldn’t get out of bed.
I woke up yesterday to the sound of his voice, and that was just a dream.
I woke up once I didn’t remember much about our time or his smile.
I woke up today, got out of bed; I smiled as if I saw his reflection, laughed at our memories. Cried my heart out, I threw things, cussed and cursed, forgot and forgave, sung and swore, praised, pleaded and refused. But at least I woke up today, without him.
AND I AM WITHOUT HIM!
I woke up to him screaming, in the middle of the night. I held tight, he pushed me away and told me that he was tired of existence, that all he wanted was to live, he needed to be warm, his tomb had coldened my heart.
I woke up to the sound of him crying. I tried to tell him I didn’t need a river in his name. He explained they weren’t for me, but for him. He needed to leave a trail so that he’ll never get lost. That night 23 months ago was our last night.
I woke up to him loving me, as surprise excited me and ecstasy overwhelmed us, he stopped, confessed to me that, this, was not the best, that the rest of the times and the days, forever we would always be as one. A tear rolled down my face, and as a promise, that my tears would never be of fire but for him to taste my spirit, he swallowed it.
I woke up and his back was towards me.
I rolled towards him.
He whispered that I didn’t have to hold on so tight and that I’d forget one day to smile at him and tell him I cared.
I woke up to him kissing me; I embraced it and stole seconds of that bliss to take with me.
I woke up to his touch, and as a miracle where he laid his hands didn’t hurt anymore. And under all the bandages, my wounds were starting to scab. And the bleeding had stopped.
I woke up in his arms, surprised as to how I had gotten there, scared. He started to try and calm me down, told me he wouldn’t hurt me, he stole me, fought me and that I was free to go, run, but that he would be back the next day, morning and tonight. To find me.
I never hid and I don’t recall even trying to runaway.
I woke up several times without him there, and I couldn’t get out of bed.
I woke up yesterday to the sound of his voice, and that was just a dream.
I woke up once I didn’t remember much about our time or his smile.
I woke up today, got out of bed; I smiled as if I saw his reflection, laughed at our memories. Cried my heart out, I threw things, cussed and cursed, forgot and forgave, sung and swore, praised, pleaded and refused. But at least I woke up today, without him.
AND I AM WITHOUT HIM!
unfinished...n always continued
i can never pretend that this cloak called woman is heavy to dawn,
this depth is enough for a nigga to fall
but i speak of men and not boys,
that treat their manhood as expression n not toys.
boys ran from stimulation of the mind,
in the arms of nameless strangers, untagged with any character u will find
aroused, in shallow waters of cheap thrills
no, no, no i talk of men who know the drill.
boys, deny a womans shining by day, crave n praise my shadow at night
n just because i laid with open legs n gave u what a moment yearn doesnt make me wrong or right
n yr half empty promises u whispered to my open heart, makes u wrong at this time
im talkin about a man who is conjoured by the physical that the world is shown
who can fearlessly drown inside of my world that is unknown
i am too emotional, that mayb you could say is prown,
to this dance of words, the crazy thoughts
im not emotional enough most times coz my childhood was bruised
man at my choice could use my words as his voice
a man who doesnt expect me to make him feel like 1, but knows he is
stick to his word, but know the damage of a promise.
but we all know this propaganda is for those blessed n kissed by what i had missed with that train last week...
this depth is enough for a nigga to fall
but i speak of men and not boys,
that treat their manhood as expression n not toys.
boys ran from stimulation of the mind,
in the arms of nameless strangers, untagged with any character u will find
aroused, in shallow waters of cheap thrills
no, no, no i talk of men who know the drill.
boys, deny a womans shining by day, crave n praise my shadow at night
n just because i laid with open legs n gave u what a moment yearn doesnt make me wrong or right
n yr half empty promises u whispered to my open heart, makes u wrong at this time
im talkin about a man who is conjoured by the physical that the world is shown
who can fearlessly drown inside of my world that is unknown
i am too emotional, that mayb you could say is prown,
to this dance of words, the crazy thoughts
im not emotional enough most times coz my childhood was bruised
man at my choice could use my words as his voice
a man who doesnt expect me to make him feel like 1, but knows he is
stick to his word, but know the damage of a promise.
but we all know this propaganda is for those blessed n kissed by what i had missed with that train last week...
words i can spell but never write
i look around and see all these curious, ignorant eyes and wonder how any human form can relate to so much pain.
this is all of my doing.
just tell me where your secret hiding place is, and i'll tell you mine.
and when and if i war starts, i wont have to get lost looking for you in the dark
i'd rather hear gun shots than the silence, its getting so so loud!
i find myself looking up, on my knees, disbelieving that there could be a miracle but just a reason to believe...
this couldnt be karma, could be that cruel...
im not saying its great, but it has been good
im not saying its love but the world can think so
i have said no, but nothing is written on stone
i may not mean it, we dont have to talk
the chemical reaction in my mind is not anger, its not in my mind
the song my heart sings i know is not my own, im singing it but have never listened
i can switch this bitch off, as soon as i can remember its code
i wont scream if you dont,
wont run if u stop
wont hide if u tell me where we are
i wont cry if you are silent
i'll awake if u sleep
i'll look out when your back is turned
i wont look you in the eye,
i'll pretend your touch dont mean shit if it makes it easier
and when i think about you for too long, i'll lie
i wont close my eyes when we kiss
i'll hide my smile, at the sound of your footsteps
if it makes it better, i wont fall in love with you
and everytime you come and see me, as i jump up n down with glee
open the door, stone cold indifference, i wont whisper anything to you.
if it just makes you think about me and smile to yourself you never have to tell me
if you miss my smile, and get moved in any way, at all you never even have to show it
acknowledging me could even be by mistake
you could pretend we never met, never talked,
we could forget and role play everytime
if you just are here, with me, when u can....
and so im wondering when the crazy-gangsta-gal got broken down right...
she could be right here beside the sweet,childish shy 1....
they could b right there, together, maybe we could call it a threesome!
this is no poem, this is no song
maybe petition, plea
maybe caused bu another sleepless night
this could be nothing at all
this is forgotten right after its read
this is consideration
this isnt for you
this isnt for me
this is for documentation and record of my ignorance and stupidity
my wants, my dreams and cravings!
this is another lesson learnt, this is for memory
this isnt for relief or release
no this is a contract between every active cell in my body..
this isnt the end,
this is the end of all time when it has stopped
this is the split second inbetween heartbeats and between in & exhales
this is so cliche, but straight out the box!
this is all of my doing.
just tell me where your secret hiding place is, and i'll tell you mine.
and when and if i war starts, i wont have to get lost looking for you in the dark
i'd rather hear gun shots than the silence, its getting so so loud!
i find myself looking up, on my knees, disbelieving that there could be a miracle but just a reason to believe...
this couldnt be karma, could be that cruel...
im not saying its great, but it has been good
im not saying its love but the world can think so
i have said no, but nothing is written on stone
i may not mean it, we dont have to talk
the chemical reaction in my mind is not anger, its not in my mind
the song my heart sings i know is not my own, im singing it but have never listened
i can switch this bitch off, as soon as i can remember its code
i wont scream if you dont,
wont run if u stop
wont hide if u tell me where we are
i wont cry if you are silent
i'll awake if u sleep
i'll look out when your back is turned
i wont look you in the eye,
i'll pretend your touch dont mean shit if it makes it easier
and when i think about you for too long, i'll lie
i wont close my eyes when we kiss
i'll hide my smile, at the sound of your footsteps
if it makes it better, i wont fall in love with you
and everytime you come and see me, as i jump up n down with glee
open the door, stone cold indifference, i wont whisper anything to you.
if it just makes you think about me and smile to yourself you never have to tell me
if you miss my smile, and get moved in any way, at all you never even have to show it
acknowledging me could even be by mistake
you could pretend we never met, never talked,
we could forget and role play everytime
if you just are here, with me, when u can....
and so im wondering when the crazy-gangsta-gal got broken down right...
she could be right here beside the sweet,childish shy 1....
they could b right there, together, maybe we could call it a threesome!
this is no poem, this is no song
maybe petition, plea
maybe caused bu another sleepless night
this could be nothing at all
this is forgotten right after its read
this is consideration
this isnt for you
this isnt for me
this is for documentation and record of my ignorance and stupidity
my wants, my dreams and cravings!
this is another lesson learnt, this is for memory
this isnt for relief or release
no this is a contract between every active cell in my body..
this isnt the end,
this is the end of all time when it has stopped
this is the split second inbetween heartbeats and between in & exhales
this is so cliche, but straight out the box!
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