Oh shit! Not again....

It was never clear, it wasn't something that tugged at me, safe to say it hadn't crossed my mind. When first i met him; i was in my element on my gin n juice mess on a Sunday afternoon, he was in his element elevated in the clouds high with the birds, chirping and serenading me from that distant. There is something about his voice, something that makes it certain without a doubt that there has to be a beautiful soul in there that produces such exacting sound. 2010 – The best description that i have ever had was 1 of that day – cross between John Legend and Andre 3000. Still I stick to it – and so much more. You would have thought the connection would be pulling us from the head, comparing and connecting through a hair style that linked strangers, religions and caused conflict. This hushed man, who opened his mouth to push exuberance from the pit his spirit resides. Still, even in his strides. Tranquillity danced in his eyes. This still does not quite describe the splendour of this man. Twice I saw him again within a year. But this did not stop me from describing and commending his voice every chance I got on a – you don’t know sh*t tip. Twice I saw, twice he triggered a zeal in me that I didn’t understand – chalked it off as a common love for music and appreciation of his voice, played it of a groupie behaviour! HA! Twice he prompted this sudden bout of animation in me. Twice our paths crossed. Twice we didn’t question it. He often now tells me that his burst into song was all to impress me, entice me. He didn’t talk to me much that night. We never really talked much. This still does not touch on how astounding this unearthing was. So there i am right, minding my own fucking business, on some of that red vine juice i used to love so. With a friend who’s memory is of a bittersweet nature as I write this. Pointless as that sentence may seem – there was nothing normal or ordinary about that day. Everyone with the pleasure of witnessing the start of 1 of the greatest loves is fortunate and significant in their own respect. ‘Hey G’... is all i heard lifting my head from my laptop. The quick shift between wonderment, relief and enlivenment was more potent than the bottles i had put away. This fine piece of sexy ass – smile that could break the coldest of hearts, see i didn’t know that at the time. I didn’t see him that way, i saw a colleague, i saw a fellow artist, i saw a music lover, in all honesty for the longest time he was just a voice. HA! But lately this voice be looking fine sacrificially detached from the locks that i am sure identified him for the longest of times. A strong and sexier forfeit – i can relate. So we at the round table in our intoxicated states thinking we can be talking about business. Sitting opposite him, thinking of how amazing this voice is, picturing BWPs circling his head – this had always been our association. Understand, I was enlisted in their belief to be in the process to thrive. As much as my culture did not match his genre, the power in his lungs was prized. ;) All i remember is him looking at me, he had this way of looking at me, curious and penetrating. Searching and fiery. It made my heart beat fast, confused on whether or not it was nervousness or excitement. Understand this recognition of what one would not be wrong if they called it gawking was not instantaneously, it was beckoned by four words – Nna ke batla wena! This still does not elucidate the effect these words would have on me, how these words were the start of connection, rapport if you like of the most amazing combination of two alike, contrasting, complimenting souls. Gino Obuseng

Part I: Three Hundred and Sixty Fifth Day

Its surreal, i guess it is like the significant life’s impact or the moments that continue to search and define your strengths character. Its undeniable, I push, push things to the limit. Any limit, my limit, your limit – a limit. On the three hundred and sixty fifth day – a grand celebration of an anti-love that we had held on for more than we had to, the festivities were endless. With the closest of my friends and a job that came from a dream. Smiling and waving intoxicated separation, instance crawling towards the basic hours of the morning. Memory serves and admittedly i knew. The only way i would learn, lose or gain was to push. Hard. The impact of his hand on my cheek, definitely defined his character. Sad as it is, as it was – my character’s only way of letting go of a vice that was going to deplete me. Kill the very essence of everything that defines me. The self restraint that he possessed, whatever the amount at that moment broke. I myself couldn't, wouldn't say I was shocked, staring at the ceiling that we had laid under together, only difference of him mounting me this time was that all i could feel from all the past mixed bittersweet views, was myself choke. It took me a long time to write this, 22 months about to be almost exact. Unforeseen as it was at the time i was influenced by an almost instant insanity that allowed me to live in a dream-like state where i was comfortable, comfortable enough to entertain friends black & blue. Comfortable enough to smile and relay the story of our affiliation, not giving a fuck about my excessive make up cracking. Enough to point out the best side of my healing physical wounds of his masterpiece, to him. Comfortable enough to listen to my torment being retold through the airwaves as some hot piece of gossip. I was going to stand on a mountain and let them know. What your gutless spineless excuse of chap gave me as a shiny finish of a thank you for tending to you for three hundred and sixty five days. Nothing is worth much if it can be broken. Gino Obuseng