Part V: Blue

I’m hoping to be writing this in diary form.

Trying to vaguen my audience into believing this obsession is just that! if I concentrate hard enough at this handwriting gets foggier and hazier

Maybe I’ll stop remembering you in my thoughts.

I’ll stop picturing you everywhere in my room, even blending in with colors I bought after you.

You took it all

I want my color back!

And I know this will go away

Just a few more bricks from this tonne over my head and I could let it pass…

I want you to disappear off the face of the earth, to cease all existence

But if it wasn’t because of u, all this nonsense.

But I know that you will if ever try to save me long after the ink dries.

Just loosen the grip you have.

I think about him a lot

He who inspires me.

He who smiles when I walk through the door.

He who provokes my smile, controls the temperature of my blood

The courier of my heart.

The one, who shields, preserves, cherishes, appreciates, secures and knows.

But I think of this inspired, motivated, dragged to my haven, my shelter by you.

I dream of this now that you are no more.

He completes my sentences, dwells in my being, and tells my written story between all these lines.

In tune with his soul.

Knows, understands, keeps and says.

I think of this now that your hair keeps my fingers busy no longer.

I think of this now my words like tears.

I think about him more now,

My healer, one who mends.

Sweeps me off my feet,

More now that I’ve slipped to you and I’s end.

Gino Obuseng

Part IV: a hearts' eviction

The lights dimmed and smoke rose from that cold emptiness, that head throb,

I woke up hung-over, but the scabs and bruises lead me to believe I had slept through the worst.

After trying to drink you outta my system.

Limped outta bed to get some green, finding pains in the shower as I lift to reach for my lighter.

I remember the sweat; I smell it in the clothes I wore.

I remember feeling free, in rhythm trying to make my steps be my hearts control and lead.

Exhausted! Trying to dance you outta my system.

I jumped outta my body into my thoughts, dreams and fantasies of you.

Led me to forget why I closed and chained the door behind me.

My paranoia is slipping away.

I walk all night blazed, in a maze, the walls lined up back to back with pictures of you, burning just the hairs on my skin.

As I try to smoke you outta my system.

I waited until atleast the sun was up, until lights were switched off, and I heard footsteps, drunken with sleep.

Spring cleaning my room was to organize my thoughts, get them in me, sorted, your initials the file name.

The volume was to try and drown out the ice breaking, my heart beat irregularly as I tried to sing you outta my system.

Moments and letters stretch long, high, around, entangling me in this brief disillusionment.

I’m boiling inside taken over by this possession.

I could produce the best pieces from this heartache but I’m scared it may numb me.

Like all those nights placing my hand on your pure coffee bean back, mixing in my milk, when I couldn’t keep the tips of my fingers off you.

While I fight me off, you away

And my fingers still writing you outta my system.

Gino Obuseng

Part III: your still working

would it have been easier to ignore it, stumble on
i wanted to complicate my life with you
wait up for that fore head kiss
watch you sleep just so i can write you a love poem
i miss your smile.

with everything said and done
did we reach a finish line?
the pit way stops and detours
every part of my body wants you back,
even the tears.
my heart has nothing to do with it this time.
i dont want to figure and discover anything about you.
i needed and longed for the surprises
why now?

i dont wanna find out anything else about you, whike i still...
crave you
wonder about you in my life.
i dont want to cry anymore over you,
as my tears sign off my hurt.
i dont want to enjoy your smile unless i'm getting you back.

Gino Obuseng

part II: losing it

part of me wondered how it was
to feel you everywhere i go
carried you in my soul.
i'm glad i wont have to go through that with you,
for you.

the key to 'acting' tough is not hard to find.
this addiction i acquired, this feeling of being torn away, i sit and know, hope it will go away,
listening, watching, inspired, rooted, crazy, crying, keeping it together until now everything in me is screaming for help.

i wanna be mad as hell, scream my lungs out, cry my eyes out,
i wondered what it would feel like to try and re-build your smile.
there was a part of me that wouldn't wait to tell you, to try and spark a miracle.

but tell me, is everything that you thought and said what you saw when you looked at me?

i want the strength that was said to have been given to women, i re-enact it everyday hoping it would be routine.
that my body would learn habit
to feel the right to say i want you
to help me get over you.
i think of the next to be like a friend,
but still i miss you. i've been hurt.
even though you almost destroyed it u know i still have a heart.




Gino Obuseng

it still works

i smile wherever i go, i will play, laugh and go on
you will see me flowing by looking fine as hell,
moving to the bass in the music and ease of the smoke 'up in the club'.
we would briefly lock eyes, the curve in my lips shining with that twinkle in my eye.
i will call on my gals to get ready,
wine and dine and be silly, flirt a little,
sing for a while
dance up a sweat.
doing it, n doing it, n doing it well!

but listen this is when i'm not hiding, dazed confused , fantasizing bout you,
not doing and doing everything fighting,
fighting you off.
YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY!
i miss you so much, even when we are fighting, even when i speak of 'us' in the present.
do you think of me at all?

this heart is broken. Trying, singing its heart out, pressing forward and regretting not kissing you that one last time, but dont get me wrongit was broken before you.
look i love you. iw ished you were the 1 they called the 1, everytime you touched me.

i smile wherever i go. i will play, laughand go on
you will see that child-like, tormented person there is if you come close enough
i have to get everything you made me feel, early in the morning, buzzing...losing control.
could i have you in any deeper?

but like i said this soul shifted a while back;
when HE used to take his time.
when HE used to treat me like a lady, praise me, show me off.
when i let HIM hold me all night.
this heart was broken back when HE made me smile from so far away.
the times when being close was in bed.
HE who made it so that the neighbours heard, knew our business.
the ONE who was right next door, my longest, easiest, most true, happiest, most unmendable.
my heart still broke that one night of pure lust and temptation.
the games that i played.
the lies i told, the minds i messed with
that night when U reminded me that it still hurts when i remember.
my heart breaks, flows out of my ears, eyes, this pen...

did i tell you i missed you. i'm not quite sure what to do.
but its done already, i know that.
what were we thinking?
i dont blame you.
i'm not a victim, this heart has long broken.

but i smile wherever i go, i will play, laugh and go on.



... to be continued


Gino Obuseng

my very 1st 'Untitled'

intelligent as night is dark. as beautiful as sun is hot.
some one whose name was vague, someone whose smell had been gone from my life for a lover's lifetime.
for a moment that seemed to go on forever, we'd lock eyes, see the familarity that would take us back to those brief twinkles of pleasure. From my soul rose a cringe that made me tremble. his eyes would dim with the reminder of an undeserved heartbreak.
his face would lose its joy.

as quickly as he appeared, he'd vanish with the winds.
sadness would overwhelm me everytime.
a lot of things have been raptured, but life repairs itself.pain lessen.
wounds heal. scars remain and whether or not, we stop clinging and, move on.

i cried for the love I'd only discovered as i was losing it.
how can love escape your grasp without you ever letting go?
but those days were memories that coloured the back of my mind.

im very emotional. the intensity i get from loving someone i'm in love with is remarkable, nearly uncontrollable. i love hard. Love deep. Love long.

if i had never been in love i wouldnt crave the wonderful, crazy, euphoric feeling it gave when it was working.
if i had never had sex, i'd never ache for the eroticism while i worked it with someone i wanted to have my heart.
if i had never been in love i wouldn't fight the feeling of love when it came.

joys and hurts

in just a memory
slips away
i could and maybe rhyme and ignore the fact that i cant write
i could perhaps sketch and maybe my thousand words would heal me
i should cry but i cant let u keep slipping deep
i want to scream, but only if i know for sure that you might be listening

in just a memory
i forget
that yours was sprinkled with that lil bit extra
and as in a dream, many parts are at a miss
many faces not clear
i could thirst you from now until tomorrow, but i'd rather get parched
your desert was the driest, the roughest, the dustiest, most numbing with its most beautiful oasis

i could love you forever but i've loved you enough
i will not let this show
that i settled, that i feel in love with a draft of a soft poem, incomplete piece of art
a sketch of a masterpiece ready to bury the Mona Lisa
i should have waited for the paint to dry, but i broke it, i own it now
and now your shoe print stays in this wet cement

the perfect harmony, the matching bass
i shouldnt have tried to freestyle for the 1st time over a an exquist beat
i lost my lyrics in 'la la' land looking for gloss i had no idea about till i saw the change n receipt in my hand
all i ever did was exhale, knowing if i say 'those words' close enough to yr trembling body, the heat from my throat would bounce back to me, hoping n wishing that that means they stayed with me

warm, dark shell of chocolate laced with that sprinkly sour sugar, meant for deceit of an explosion of flavour so captivating
you had me inspired, but neither your fears, question and our lust were loans
i run my hands thru yr dreads, curl them up exactly in the pattern the sheets are crumpled up just to convince you of an attempt in muffling the moans.

yours is an uncertain heart

was a fool to ever think that the way your hand led the woman's anatomy was some sort of special
take over i had over u, but thats exactly what i was just a "woman's body"

you grabbed my hand, kissed me deeply, told me you loved me as u brushed the side of my face, left the club early...

you don't answer the door or your phone...hold me tighter and say you just wanna be with your baby...

your friends greet me n smile
look out for me n ask
ba nskeifisa n wonder out aloud of where i've been

you dont call the way u used to, text me even when you know i'm sleeping

and i sit patiently everyday waiting, for love, for a reply, phone call, attention, a kiss

she was there in the club that night, wasnt she?
knocking, texting, calling and buzzing you online.
shit, i'd take a page outta your friends' book and welcome the new with her loud, tacky, desperate ass.

i'm not sure what i have, but i'm sure now, today...her name appears in your inbox more than mine.

starting to wonder whats better being in your bed alone, or on your screen with her.

but name calling is where i'll end. coz i'm certain she ran in lane and fell for the same game.


Gino Obuseng